Depression isn’t logical. It’s not “this, plus this, equals this.” Even in situational depression the depths of depression do not all stem from the actual event, it is often what triggers it. Deep down, while experiencing depression I/we know this isn’t the reality of the world, but the feeling is this; An overwhelming deep dark sadness. Sometimes the emotions boil over so greatly that all one can do is cry and express every last bit of sadness. Sometimes the space and darkness is so empty you are left devoid of any specific feeling at all. This isn’t a buck up and go to the gym solution. Yes, all the things people post to their friends to do to make them feel better are nice. But the reality is the only person who can pull them out of depression is themselves.
My personal depression comes in heavy waves of a day or two of severity. It does pass, it does ease up but it doesn’t just go away. It’s not a matter of “all better now” it’s more of a matter of until next time old friend. It’s something each of us work on differently. Some with meds, some with therapy, some with both. Exercise and diet help, talking with friends help but the single more debilitating aspect of depression I see and experience the most is loneliness. Even if you are married or partnered, even if you have amazing friends and loved ones, you can’t see that during these bouts. You feel isolated and alone, you feel worthless and empty, helpless and scared and you just slowly move forward one step at a time.
How I feel during depression.
For me I start walking. I start telling myself “I am depressed, this is depression” and I cry it out. I express how I’m feeling. I know it’s hard to watch and hard to hear but hiding it is even harder.
These are the things people say that tend to spark a good reaction from me in those moments, so maybe it helps others too. Doesn’t have to be these exact words but the gist of them.
It’s OK, feel what you need to feel, you are not alone.
I love you and you are not alone.
Thank you for sharing your story, you are not alone.
You are loved and worthy of love, and you are not alone.
Anytime people can share their own experiences with depression. Sometimes even if they are awful, they show that you are not alone in it.
You are not alone. As many ways as you can say it, you are not alone. That is the most common thread that tends to touch me. It doesn’t mean you have to understand the depths of what depression and anxiety feel like. You most certainly are not responsible for talking me out of it. Just means you cannot fix us, and while you mean so much good with your advice, while in a depressed state, it often sounded like “do something different, you are not OK.”
I didn’t learn these things while I was with Gary. I tried to fix him, I tried to fix him instead of myself. I am speaking from experience on both sides of this. I’m so grateful to the folks who just let me be who I am. Depression and all. I am inspired to be better when I am accepted more than when I am asked to feel or be different. I’m still going through grief, and I’m still experiencing depression and anxiety. But it’s not all the time. I have good days and bad.
Thanks for listening.. I love you and you are not alone either in whatever you are going through.