Robert, Robert, Robert . . .
You’re losing me. I read your posts here because I thought I knew you from when you were my student but clearly I don’t know you at all. I only knew the kid in my class — the smart kid with the infectious smile and loads of talent. I knew nothing of the whinney pussy bitch that’s been complaining about his stupid-ass immature choices these last few posts.
I think it’s great that you have come to recognize how many terrible choices you made in the past and are now trying to change. That’s called growing up. I know I’m from a different generation than you (after all, you’re younger than my own son), but in my day, we didn’t tell the world all the shit that was going on in our lives and dragging us down. We may have told a few people, friends mostly, who could sympathize and offer advice, but mostly we dealt with our crap privately.
If we had a job making good money, we saved up and moved out after about a year. But at 19 or 20, you were still too young and stupid to know better. You blame your parents for keeping you “infantilized” by doing things for you. But that’s what parents (especially moms) do. We do things for our kids even if it actually keeps them from growing up and moving out. I hated my father for years and only realized he was human after I became a dad. We still don’t have a great relationship, but it’s so much better now that I see him as an individual and not just my father.
I moved out of my parent’s house three weeks before my 26th birthday and two months before I got married. It was a crappy apartment six blocks from the house I grew up in. It had a sink and toilet in a closet off the kitchen and a bathtub/shower in the freezing cold basement next to the washing machine and furnace. And I loved it because it was mine! My privacy, my responsibility, my bills. My parents were relieved when I moved out — I wasn’t mooching off of them anymore.
I think part of your problem is your expectations. Because of your early success despite your immaturity, you came to believe that you were owed success all the time. Not true mijo. You will fail more often than you will succeed. The secret is to learn from those failures and not repeat what made you fail in your next attempt.
I think it’s great you have a new job. Now, don’t fuck this one up. Save money and, in a year or so, move the fuck out of the projects. Find an apartment in a nice neighborhood, get a roommate if you need one, and grow up. Be responsible for your own shopping, your own cooking, your own bills.
And as for possible romantic relationships — until you get your shit together, you’re going to have one fuck-up relationship after another. You need to start liking yourself more. Anyone you want to be in a relationship with, whether that’s a physical, sexual relationship, or just a friendship, is going to take advantage of you if you don’t like yourself and have confidence in yourself.
I love you because you are one of my kids, but stop the fucking pussy-ass whinning and grow a pair of balls! It’s a tough world out there and no one, repeat, no one, is going to put up with your whining and complaining all the time. Not in a job, not in a friendship, not in a long-term romance.
I’m sorry if this hurt your feelings, but I respect you enough to tell you the truth I think you need to hear, so, count your blessings instead of your problems. I will be here if you need to talk.