My first post on Medium

“Silent Killer”

There’s nothing worse then feeling alone in a room full of peers, nothing worse then waking up putting on your daily smile when you really want to wear tears. The problem with this is there has been times where you tried to express your faults and fears, what’s deteriorating you on the inside which nearly ruins everyday and brings you to your knees. The silent killer most live with because it’s hard to shake depression, all it takes is a moment and you have a million bad memories come in a rapid succession. Flashbacks of terrible days, wishing things turned out a different way, needing relief in any form but you’re reluctant to pray. You’ve tried and felt your praise went unheard, for the pain comes back without hesitation just from an image or a spoken word. Everyone’s experience with this terrible reality is not going to be the same, it’s as if all the sad people can relate but everyone has a different interpretation of pain. I will say I lived a few years without a single emotion for my being to comply with, ran from family, turned to alcohol as if it was my only friend. Not understanding that this is a depressant only putting me further from reach of my recovery, I’ve in recent time learned to accept the pains of my past as just a sad chapter in my story. I even more recently allowed myself to indulge in my lord and saviors glory, for by his grace I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter if no one here on earth accepted me, I am the son of a magnificent God and he will always have love for me. He’s foreseen everything and knew I’d seek him at my weakest, if you can let go and let God I swear to you he will meet you at your deepest, your darkest, most sorrowful times. He will guide you with love and compassion and allow you to fly. He will lift your burdens and remove your fears, he will allow you to embrace your flaws and help you to wipe your tears, he will remove the Silent Killer that haunts you so freely, he will clear your consciousness and allow you to remember the sad times but very briefly. In my life experience, I can say, to me prayer has saved me from grave mistakes. It’s allowed me to see that even though I’m not a perfect person I could never be replaced. So for as many of you who still face this demon we call depression, try not to let it get the best of you because it won’t last forever it’s only a lesson. You can pass this test if you’re ready for the next step, you just have to let go, let God, and accept what you can’t change. Have no regrets