When I talk myself out of messaging her..

Cant help but feel as if me and you aren’t through. You showed me way to much and I taught you more then enough, the things we’ve gained from each other was enough to hold any couple down. I know we were meant to be something and meeting at the time we did was not the ideal goal but it was necessary. We showed each other our areas we both needed improvement. Taught each other how to be better people wether we can admit how or not it’s the truth. I know that you still think about me even if the bad outweighs the good most the time, I’m still hanging on to that idea of the good memories coming to mind too. I never felt the way I did for you, for anyone else in my entire life. I can say that whole heartedly. I pray for you every day and I think of you even when I’m trying not to. I keep getting set up with these friends of friends and I shut it down before I even give the person a chance. No one is going to make me feel like you did and I’m not wrong about this. I felt true joy when I was with you. Having you in my presence immediately puts me in a better mood. I know that I did some things in my past I’m not proud of and you’ll hate me for. I know that I’m not a perfect man but I also know I’m the right man. I know how you felt for me, even when you did the dumb shit you did and fucked around with no intentions on hurting feelings. You were doing what you thought would make you feel better. Something was still missing and you were still searching, I get it, I understand. I know that when we were together time flew by no matter what we were doing. We couldn’t seem to find enough hours in a day. I don’t know what it was but it was always that way. From the first time we got together till the last day you spoke those heart wrenching words. That day time stood still for a while. I just see us remeeting and becoming familiar once again. I see us goin our own way for a while only to cross paths yet again. I can’t help but have a sense of nostalgia thinking of it. I don’t know how but I’m not even mad we met and split. I just know like I said we met at that point to help each other grow. Break down barriers of uncomfortability, to talk about things that are so hard to even think, to have that sense of security which was not a well known thing for either of us. There was a lot going on at that time and I knew we wouldn’t make it long and that’s probably apart of why it didn’t work for my own doubts and reasoning. You told me go distract yourself, it’s not gonna bother you, the truth is even thinking of entertaining another female makes me sick. I couldn’t do it if I wanted to. I know what I want. I know what I need. I know what made and makes me feel complete. I know. And when you know you know right haa great talk I know and it’s crazy to think this was about a month ago already. Seems like yesterday you were telling me you loved me and wanted me to kiss your lips a million times and more. Crazy to think I helped to bring out your inner artist and how I was your inspiration. Even harder to grasp the thought of being without but it does lead me to believe that it was destined to happen the way it did. That I will be seeing you again wether you want to accept it now, or a year from now, or whenever I just have a feeling you’ll be back! I’m willing and actually excited to wait. Doesn’t matter to me how long it takes or how many hearts you break in the meantime. I just want you to come back and be mine again and until then my arms will rest and patiently wait for you to come home.