How Bad Is It Being A Black Man In America?

Ever wonder what’s it like living your life as a black man in America? Do you think you could walk in my shoes for just 1-day and live to talk about it? What’s written below is just a glimpse inside the mind of a black, adult male on any given day, simply trying to live his life. Take note that this timeline can apply to anyone of color who happens to live in America.

* Every notation you see in italics signifies a thought or response associated with race, hate, privilege, and PTSS (Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome)!

And as we all know, you, the European-American, could never really walk in our shoes. (And who in their right mind would want to?) So, for just a few minutes try and imagine these mental and visual moments taking place in your life, day after day, month after month, year after year. Now imagine if you will, that it never stops…

This timeline takes place over a 12-hour period.

4:15 am — My alarm goes off, I open my eyes thankful that I’m alive. I say a prayer consisting of thanks, asking for grace, mercy, and protection for myself, my family, and friends. I pause in my thoughts as I ask God to give me patience in dealing with people who choose to attack me because of who you made me be!

4:52 am — I glance at a couple of my social media sites on my phone. I see an update on F/B’s newsfeed about yet another unjustified shooting of an unarmed brother by the local police! Will I make it alive through the day?

5: 23 am — While ironing my clothes for work, the t.v. is on one of the major news networks as they report on the investigation regarding the shooting of a 53-year-old black female social worker in her home by the police that resulted in her death. The “incident” stemmed from a No-Knock Raid…on the wrong house! “Why does this happen always in the black and brown neighborhoods? You never hear about this crap going on in the suburbs!”

5:47 am — I get a call, it’s my sister. She wants to know if I’ve heard about the disappearance of a young girl we’re familiar with who lives in the neighborhood. I let her know someone mentioned it briefly but that I haven’t heard anything since. I say a quick prayer for her to return home safe but quickly recognize that had this been a little European-American girl, half of the law enforcement community in the state would be looking for her!

6:15 am — While eating my breakfast I read my Daily Devotion, which comes from Luke 6: 28–31. After pondering over what I just read, I tell God, “Lord, you know I try but I’m not feeling verses 28 and 29 today, just not feeling it!”

6:45 am — On my to work, I pull up at a stoplight, and I see police lights reflecting off to my right. I see a vehicle pulled over, windows raised down, 2 black males in the front seats, one officer standing near the passenger rear with his hand on his gun holster, and the other officer approaching the driver’s side. The light turns green… “Will I read about these 2 brothers this evening on the 6 o’clock news?”

7:10 am — As I pull into my company’s parking lot I see Vicky, a coworker, getting out of her vehicle. She notices me, waves, and patiently waits for me as I get out of my vehicle. We speak and quietly begin walking toward the elevator. I can sense her looking my way but not sure what she’s looking at. Vicky is a European-American woman in her 40s, kind of hard to read as she comes across as a quiet person. Vicky finally says something. “DeVontae, can I ask you a question?”. I respond back with, “Sure!”. (Inside of my head I felt it coming- That black question!) “DeVontae, how do you manage your dreadlocks? I mean, is there something you do daily to take care of them, or do you go somewhere and have someone else work on your hair?” I now spend the next 3–5 mins. trying not to act so annoyed as I am once again being asked to explain my natural features to yet another European-American person as if it’s my obligation to educate you whenever possible!

7:30 am — Time to clock in. I get my third incoming call @ 7:47 am from a client. I identify myself and before I can ask them how may I help them, they cut me off in mid-sentence with, “DeVontae? What kind of name is DeVontae?”. So here I am, attempting to keep my composure and job as I try to divert this person’s curiosity by again asking how can I help them, hoping they take the hint that I’m not going down that road again! (Remember Vicky?)

9:00 am — Team meeting — My supervisor provides a brief update on company changes. He also advises the team that our coworker, David, has been promoted as a team leader in the group. * David, a European-American man, has been with the team for approximately 6 months now. I have been working in this group for 2 1/2 years now, actually trained David when he came on board, and still receive IMs from him occasionally asking me for direction regarding customer accounts. Dare I ask who he knows in the company?

9:45 am — I take my first break. I’m in the breakroom warming up something when Dana and Eric walk in. They’re deep in a conversation about a music awards show that was on t.v. last night. While discussing a rap artist, Eric, shifts the discussion toward me by asking if I knew the rapper known as “Lit N Bent”. I respond back with “No”. Eric appears totally shocked that I don’t know this artist! He says, “Are you sure you don’t know him? How could you not know him, he wears dreads like you!”. EUROPEAN-AMERICAN PEOPLE! There’s always that one in your race that unfortunately has to take one for the team when you’re right at that line and trying not to cross it! Today is Eric’s turn! I had my back turned to him and Dana when he said it, so when I nearly broke my neck as I turned and looked at them, they both realized that today was not a good day to be sitting in H.R. trying to explain themselves! When you understand that you’re now in a position of power, it’s important to strategize how that power should be used. Instantly, Eric began trying to explain what he meant. What Eric didn’t realize at that moment was that I had tuned him and Dana out at this point. Without saying a word, I retrieved my snack from the microwave, grabbed a napkin, and walked out of the breakroom and back to my desk. You see, I’ve successfully ruined their day and any chance of a good night’s rest because they don’t know what’s going on inside of my head at this point! They don’t know if I’m going to my supervisor, their supervisor, H.R., or will simply let that moment pass. There’s only one thing for sure that they do know, and that is I have 2 European-American people scared out of their wits about their current employment status! But for now, I’ll just hold onto this Joker Card and figure out how to play it later!

11:05 am — The calls have died down, and I decide to check company emails. There’s one from H.R. (Did Eric already reach out to them as a precautionary measure? LOL!!) The email is about the new list of holidays that will be observed going into the new year. And guess what day is not being observed next year? Yep, you guessed it! MLK Day! (We get the shortest month of the year for Black History Month, and now we can’t even get 1 day off to honor one of our historically black leaders?)

11:30 am — Time for lunch! I’ve already elected to pass on eating anything based on how my first 4 hours on the job have played out. I decide to head to my car, set the alarm on my phone, and catch a quick 20-minute nap.

12:00 pm — I’ve clocked back in, I see an IM from my supervisor asking me to check my email. I see the email with a spreadsheet attached and instructions for me to correct the provisioning errors on the customer’s accounts. I go into Project on my phone and proceed to work on the accounts, appreciating a break from the phones and having to deal with anyone in the office. I’m now on the 4th customer account listed and I notice someone’s name keeps popping up from the previous accounts, they were all last touched by David…the new team lead! I try to stay calm as I take into consideration that this just might be a coincidence, but low and behold, every account on the spreadsheet was last touched by David! (So now I’m cleaning up someone else’s mess, the same person that just got a promotion and a $2 raise! And of course, my supervisor will rather put this on me and contribute it to poor training so he won’t look foolish in his decision to promote this guy!)

1:40 pm — As I’m finishing up correcting the spreadsheet I’m reminded of this morning’s Daily Devotional verse 28 — Pray for those that mistreat you! (I jokingly tell God that those jewels he’s putting in my crown one day better be from Jared after putting up with this crap from man!)

2:00 pm — My last 15-minute break. I decide to stay at my desk and just scroll through my phone. I see a text that my sister sent me about the neighborhood girl missing. Her body was recovered in a shallow ditch on the other side of town, the cause of death still pending. “The other side of town? What was she doing all the way over there? Who does she even know on that side of town? Nobody black, that’s for sure! Something’s not adding up!”

4:00 pm — Time to log off! (I breathe a sigh of relief and quickly remind myself that I still have to make it home!)

4:19 pm — On my way home now and I’m literally 6 blocks away from my house, sitting at the light, I glance up in my rearview mirror and …geez, are you kiddin’ me? The local “slave patrol” pulls up right behind me!

** Every thought that enters my mind now is in a heightened alert status!

“I’m ok, I Haven’t Done Anything Wrong!” as the faces of so many of my brothers and sisters that have died innocently under these same conditions flashed across my mind!

Ok, the seatbelt is on, let me get my license, registration, and insurance card out right now — “Wait, But I Haven’t Done Anything Wrong! My insurance card and registration are in the glove compartment, do I reach over and get them? Will he suspect that I’m reaching for a weapon? What do I do?”

The Light turns green!

“Maybe I should call my sister right now, just to let her know what may happen. Oh no, I need to get over in the right lane! Am I driving the speed limit? How long do I stay in this lane without making an illegal lane change? Why are you trippin’ DeVontae, You Haven’t Done Anything Wrong!”

Then that prayer that every black adult or young person says when they understand the severity of driving while black, rolls off of my tongue…again! “Lord, not today, this is not how I’m supposed to go out, I have too much I still want and need to do, please Lord, not today, not me!”

And there it is! Another day of Grace and Mercy bestowed upon me as I look up in my rearview mirror one more time and see that the officer’s left turn signal is blinking, and he’s slowing down. The words, “And another Stay Of Execution has been granted for DeVontae Miller quickly flash across my mind!”. The officer finally makes a left turn just 2 blocks away from my place, I head home, pull up in my driveway, and just sit there for a minute trying to collect my thoughts!

4:26 pm — I walk inside my place, toss the keys in the bowl, lock the door, and collapse on my couch. My mind is racing with all sorts of thoughts while moments of anger, disgust, sadness, and frustration flood my emotions. I’m once again reminded that this isn’t living, this is just existing in a place that was never meant for me in the first place!

4:30 pm — I pick up the remote to turn the tv on…my mind quickly races back to the lunchroom moment with Dana and Eric, while in the background I hear, “And next up, on News @ 4, is another disturbing story of a black male, shot and killed by local police while he was reaching for his ID …”

AS THE DAY COMES TO A CLOSE DEVONTAE PREPARES HIMSELF TO FACE YET THE SAME MENTAL ANGUISH OF LIVING WHILE BLACK IN AMERICA AGAIN ON WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY, FRIDAY, SATURDAY, SUNDAY, MONDAY, AND TUESDAY…

Copyright 2021 by Anthony W. Taylor. All rights reserved.