I’m sorry about my point of view and probably it can’t be accepted in such tolerant Europe & US. Maybe it’s because I grew up in not so open-minded environment.
But I think you’re broken. You were broken by your mother day by day during childhood. It’s easy to see the reason of that. It’s your mother’s hate to men after she was raised by two fathers and had a husband who left her. She just didn’t want to raise one more man on the Earth. As I can see your mother succeeded.