The Age of Sobriety — why I chose to embrace it and what I’ve learnt a year later
I decided to quit drinking almost one year ago. That day I had woken up with a huge hangover, bruises on my hands, and an overwhelming sense of ‘hangxiety’. Parts of the day before were black holes in my memories but I had the feeling that someone I love was upset at me, which isn’t a feeling that was new to me. After speaking with my partner, it became clear that my drunk actions didn’t look so innocent to those around me.
Even though in my head I hadn’t done anything wrong, the fact that drunk me had unintentionally upset someone close to me was a huge blow. Even more, people who were with us the day before had made comments to him about my behaviour, which for me at that moment, I couldn’t handle. My confidence and insecurity blew out of control. For days I was overthinking everything I had done and said, and having small panic attacks whenever I would think about meeting up with them. Unfortunately, this was not the first time I had felt like this. But I knew I had to stop putting myself in this situation. So this is when I decided to quit drinking.
2 weeks prior to going sober, I was introduced to somebody who hadn’t touched drugs or alcohol for 8 years. He told me briefly his story, that there was a period in his life where he would regularly use on nights out but since changing his behaviour he’s never felt healthier. This was the first time I had met someone so calm and open about their journey. Especially since they did not go through a life-changing event to choose sober life, he simply woke up one day and wanted to change. If I hadn’t met him, I believe it would’ve taken me a lot longer to consider this option.
During the time of making the change, I was just with my partner as we were travelling and working. We aren’t big partiers and he doesn’t drink much so this part of adjusting was really easy for me. My family also doesn’t drink much so they were pretty easy to talk to about my decision. The part I wasn’t looking forward to was telling my friends and colleagues as most of my socialising in London was based around nights out and drinking. The first week back in the office, we were taken out for lunch and the host ordered everyone cocktails and a couple of bottles of wine for the table. I barely had time to think up my media-friendly excuse as to why I wasn’t drinking when a huge fruity drink was placed in front of me. I took one sip as I toasted with everyone else, then that drink sat there untouched for 2 hours. After being offered wine, more cocktails, beer, even shots, the host asked me if I was ok. After telling her I wasn’t drinking that day, she then asked for my room temperature cocktail with melted ice and drank it down in minutes. I think everyone at the table was pretty taken aback, but this had solidified that I was making the right choices.
From then on, telling people I don’t drink was met with a series of ‘what, never?’ and ‘that’s amazing I wish I could do that too’. I always thought, well why don’t you? It’s not that hard? But that was after experiencing the worst hangover anxiety of my life and committing myself to change. Before, when people had mentioned dry January or giving up alcohol for lent I would always shake my head at that and say how ridiculous it was — a bit of alcohol wouldn’t hurt me! I even remember one night out recently for my friend’s birthday. One guy came up to me and said he was surprised to see me sober because this time two years ago I was wasted and drunk dialling all of my exes at the pub. I’m not super proud of making these types of impressions on people, but I’m also learning to laugh at myself now instead of cringing.
When I hit the 4-month mark I was already feeling the effects both physically and financially. Not only was I saving a ton of money every night (I was spending max £15 on drinks for a night out in London), I also felt healthier and my chronic bloating and stomach cramps had almost disappeared. Pre WFH, I would suffer from severe IBS to the point of buying and wearing clothes 2x my size to cover up the bloating and I frequently wouldn’t eat for a day or 2 because the cramps were too bad. There are several more reasons as to why my condition was that way but a huge part that I had never bothered to change was alcohol. I never stopped drinking long enough to feel the effects. In time, the mornings after the nights out came and I would feel rested and clear-headed, I would also manage to avoid the inevitable IBS flare-ups that would leave me doubled up on my bed for the whole day, and sometimes the whole weekend. To be completely honest, the way my body now feels and reacts to my environment is a huge reason why I consider being sober forever.
One big reason I had shrugged off the dry life was I believed I was a more fun person after a few vodka limes and this was the only way to have a good night. Being sober on my first night out, I was very conscious about what I was saying and how I was swaying to the music. But, after some time as the people around me were drinking more, people stopped caring about those around them and focused only on themselves. None of my friends acted differently or made any less stupid drunk jokes. This one was a weird experience. It took me to see a night out of how others truly act and that no one cares. You hear it all the time but you never believe it. Until you see it. The best thing was that I was still having fun and my friends were still involving me in their drunken antics. The even better thing was that I remembered the best bits the day after. More recently, I was at a party with my best friend. At this point, my close circle knew I was sober and would even introduce me as someone who doesn’t drink (sometimes it’s easier for a drunk person to explain this to another drunk person — for this, I am grateful). After my best friend told the host I don’t drink, the host turned to me and asked how I still manage to have fun without it. After a bit of awkward eye contact with each other, I said it was pretty easy. I know he was joking but I’ve been in that position where sobriety seems like hell on Earth and it’s opened my eyes to how toxic my previous relationship with alcohol was, and that some people are still battling with that. But I’m glad I’ve embraced it as it’s one of the best things to happen to me. I have no shame for people who drink but for me, it really wasn’t healthy. Once I reach a year of sobriety, I may have a nice glass of wine at a restaurant, or a cocktail if we’re on a rooftop somewhere sunny. But I don’t see it being a part of my life anymore, and I definitely don’t see myself waking up with hangxiety and unexplained bruises ever again.
