The City, The People, and The Loneliness (Quest of Life Purpose)
Sunday, 4th of November.
A heart that’s full up like a landfill
A job that slowly kills you
Bruises that won’t heal
Radiohead - No Surprises
A cup of cortado, a blueberry and vanilla ice cream pancake, and a pack of Gudang Garam cigarette.
After a few sip and cigarettes puff, I have found the answer. The answer to my restless nights I had recently. The answer to this so called quarter life crisis which I’m dealing at the moment. The loneliness I felt in the crowd. The emptiness I had in the city.
Oh wait, you guys don’t even know the question right? Well, let me tell you the backstory then.
So it’s another usual day at the office. Nothing out of the ordinary. Except for the conversation I had with my co worker. My co worker once told me that he’s currently dealing with a quarter life crisis. He then told me those things that I previously wrote. At that moment, none of those things worry me at all. I guess that’s why I haven’t got any wrinkles on my forehead or haven’t got any sleepless nights. Then he asked me one thing,
“What is your purpose in life?”
I suddenly stunned. Like, I know what am I going to answer but I just couldn’t say it. I’m pretty sure if you’re reading this you’re confused as well. But then he just said that I should think about it and come back to him when I got the answer.
So, one day I was at my office thinking about all of the things that a mid 20’s are thinking. Will I be able to buy my own house in terms of 2–5 years? Will I be able to pass all of the requirements to apply a scholarship? Will I be able to get a promotion and double my income? Will I be able to get that scholarship that I desire so desperately?
The point is, to me there are at least three things that caused a quarter life crisis : Assets, Career (or business if you’re an enterpreneur) and Life.
But then I think that If I had already achieved all of those things, will I have a happiness guaranteed life? What if none of the above matters when it comes to life? The purpose of life.
There’s this joke amongst my co-worker saying that we existed only to work, to pay the bills, to have a family, and die. Well, is it? If it’s true then why do I find that purpose itself to be so disturbing.
It’s so disturbing if it can’t be more than that.
It felt so empty.
Everyday I’ve seen this same expression whenever I’m in the crowd.
It’s everywhere. On the bus stop. On the train station. Everywhere.
It’s the look of the face that says, “what am I doing with my life? Is this it? Is this life? Nothing more than this?”
It’s ironic that I see this everyday in a city that is so full, yet it is full with people that has this emptiness looks in their eyes.
It shown neither sad or anger or joy. Just, blank. Hollow.
I’ve been thinking myself as well about that question. “What is my life purpose?”
Is this it? Nothing more than waking up everyday at 4.00 am, working 7 hours a day, going back home at 5.00 pm, going to bed at 10.00 pm, and then back at waking up at 4.00 am? And again and again and again?
No, it’s not. It’s more than that. But being happy is definitely not the purpose of life.
Recently I found out that being useful to others definitely add some more value to the life I had. Simple things like taking my mother for shopping, giving up my bus seat to an elderly, or even helping my young brother with his homework.
Now, I’m ready to answer the question that my co-worker had asked.
My purpose of life is being as useful as I could to others.