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The Force failed Jedi this time

Vacuum-piercing Leia, inexcusably pretentious dialogues or how to degrade the most successful sciencie-fiction franchise

Some extra-serious faces is all we need in the solid sci-fi movie

There was no high expectations for the new Star Wars movie but the squall of highly flattering reviews brought about A New Hope, so I was even inclined to throw myself into the frenzy of fully-booked theatres, annoying queues and nerdy-looking audience in order to first-hand contemplate this contemporary “masterpiece”. Well, my beloved film critics never failed me so vilely and I still struggle to comprehend how the artistic piece of such dubious quility became one of the highest-rated movies of the year.

Something is good

Before indulging into the satisfying and agressive critique, I must, following the commandment of my former literature teacher, to firstly elevate creative wins and pleasent suprises of the artwork under the scrutiny (and this bit is destined to be predictable, booring and unoriginal). Do I, actually, need to stress how mangnificent the visulisation is? Or is it too obvious? Those well-rehersed figthing scenes with laser-blades, beatifully designed locations and animal creatures as well as sublime space views are absolutely breathtaking; and if there is something techincal to improve, I am neither morally nor pratically quilified to make any suggestions as I am completely ignorant of how this beauty is achieved by the production team. On top of it, you get 10 minutes less of viewing time in comparison to the very slowly running Ryan Gosling in 2049, what is more than enough to fully appreciate the beauty of the universe and cute little creatures, while not dying from the unfortunateness of pathetic speeches, likely peeped from the Justice League and other superhero nonsense.

The rest is dreadful

Speaking of nonsense, what is happening with those dialogues? They are full of cliché phrases, overly dramatic sentences and allegedly amusing jokes, in reality sounding a little bit flat and somewhat dull. This is suprising, especially after witnessing how the industry of superhero movies is showing signs of recovery from this horrible disease, releasing genuinely funny Spider-Man: Homecoming and Thor: Ragnarok. Apparently, even Luke, who half of the movie tries to brush off Rey with her annoying “the universe needs you”, is weary of established standards and would like to hear something fresh or at least semi-fresh.

And here comes some freshness. Have you ever seen a jedi, who with the power of her thought can bring own perhishable body back to the spaceship after being thrown away from it by the blast exploision? Well, despite an honorable age, princess Leia is not only capable of humiliating Oscar Isaac, but also fortunate enough to posses the power of levitating in the space — the presence of a magic wand in her hand would make this moment even more credible and epic. And if this was, at least, funny, watching how enemies, discovering the resistance’s assylum, decide to wait for an indefinite period of time before blowing it up(for it is necessary for the dramaturgy and, anyway, who really needs motivation for actions, this is all fiction and unreal) is dissapoiting.

But all these nuisances could be forgiven if not this fatal non-existence of original and non-trivial plot twists. From movie to movie, we are following the same pattern of fighting enemies, running from them and fighting back after being discovered. Yes, there are some individual storylines as well, but the only thrilling part was watching Finn and his intemperate new girlfriend with the weird necklace riding bizarrely looking creatures in an attempt to escape the chase. The rest are Rey, wandering through caves in the desperate search of oneself, and the copy of Luke, teasing Kylo with the beautifully shining blade. Very questionable proof of Johnson’s creative genius.

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