Day 4: Advice for the 12 Year Old Version of Me Trying to Celebrate Their Birthday
The year was 2003, and the day was 9/11. That’s when a beautiful, obsessive, and innocent little girl was born. A girl who was shielded from the most tragic event in United States history, who would not, and could not hear about it.
I grew up for the most part shielded my entire childhood, especially because I was an immigrant. The first time I ever attempted to celebrate my birthday was in the 6th grade. I had balloons, and I was excited that I would actually be able to celebrate with my favorite teacher, my history teacher. When walked into the classroom she looked at me with a face of disgust, as if I had done something horribly wrong. She then proceeded to pop my balloons, and sit me in the front of the classroom where I had to watch a video of what happened on 9/11. She traumatized me.
After that day i became obsessed with never celebrating my birthday. Every year following that one until my 18th. The feeling of guilt and shame was so overbearing, I would spend most birthdays after that one throwing up, or crying. God forbid someone mentioned 9/11 in passing, so to that little girl I am so sorry. You deserve the world, and I want you to know that you were celebrating YOU, not a tragedy. That is what your birthday is, nothing less, nothing more. In the future you celebrate your day, not a tragedy, the way you should be doing it.
