Being a Mother
When a tiny little soul is handed to you, you know that your whole life, and everything that has led to this moment, is beautiful and irrelevant at the same time. The moment is so powerful that it wipes away all memories of your existence. It is so powerful that, that moment will probably will last forever. You realize, how clean and pure and blank the starting point really is. There are no boundaries, everything and everyone is part of this whole and you see the Oneness of this universe for the first time
When she looks into your eyes you realize what “seeing you” actually means. There is no judgement, no analysis in that gaze — just acceptance. It cleanses away all the fears and trepidations that you picked up along the way to adulthood. I haven’t known peace like the tranquility of that moment.
When she hugs you, you know what trust really means. She has no qualms and shows not a hint of doubt in relying on you. It is so intimate that the warmth lingers on, long after you have let her go.
When she is sleeping next to you and you miss her. You hold her hand, but you miss her touch. You hold her in your arms and you still feel the distance. You realize you have to learn to let go, but slowly and may be it is ok to spend another night just holding her in your arms.
When she cries, you know urgency like never before. All that matters now is to make things right for her. To bring back the perfectness and peace in her world. You will be amazed at how fast your body can move and how fast your brain can process and fix things.
When she smiles.. and oh! when she smiles! It is so joyful and so honest that is will truly be the most incredible sight you have seen in your life. It will carry the moistness of the fresh smell of first summer rains. It will carry the brightness of the sunlight sieving through the forest canopy. It will have the warmth of first rays on a cloudy foggy morning. And each will be as different as the colors that lie beneath the seas.
It will be a gift, a bundle of emotions, captured at there peak when you felt awe.
When she is upset and reaches for you, you know how powerful a hug really is. How a hug is promise that everything will be fine now and how really true it is. And it is then you realize that you are no longer upset or agitated. You understand gratitude.
And then you reach for your mom and give her a tight hug. You think of the times you were mean to her and the numerous meaningless fights you had, and tighten your hold a little bit more. She looks at you with a smile and you see love, forgiveness and she knows that you know what being a mother means.
