Grab ’Em By Their Gender

I wanted to write about feminism, equality among both genders (human beings, rather), questioning conventions, the humanitarian necessity to remain respectful and cordial to each other. But I gave up soon after I came up with the above title for this article.
When the man who currently holds the most powerful position in the world once addressed women through a now-well-renowned phrase “Gram ’em by the pussy”, what chances do we even have as a “developing” country? A country where many people (including women) resonate with a rapist’s feelings when he says “She deserved it. Girls from good families don’t roam around with boys at night”. A movie date with a friend she knew and going back home by ungodly 9 p.m. thus resulted in Jyothi getting her share of the “lesson”. One that would be too memorable for her to forget if she were alive. After all, how many would live to tell the tale of getting gang raped and intestines pulled out as a punishment for “being bad”?
Why focus only on the “rule-breakers” and the “non-sanskaari” kind? Let’s talk about the many women who were molested on the way back from work on the 2017 new year’s celebration night in “Namma” Bengaluru. Let’s talk about the many day-to-day molestation cases that happen and yet go unfiled because “It’s very common. Boys will be boys. Don’t make a big deal out of it. You will ruin family’s reputation if you go to the police”. Ah, you know what, it’s better if we don’t even talk about it.

The patriarchal society that we live in is a “society” because women are equally responsible for letting it become one. A mom was raised to be oppressed, so she passes her “wisdom” along to her daughter on how to “deal” with it and seldom talk about changing it or standing up against it. A father advises his son to “handle his wife” because she is “breaking the rules” on how daughter-in-laws should be. When watching, liking and supporting movies such as PINK (A 2016 Hindi movie) turns you into “Oh, you are one of those feminist types”, when many women proudly say, “I’m not a feminist because I’m not against men”, I only wonder about the kind of education we have been receiving from generations. I’m not even sure anymore that education is supposed to make us “think” more than “learn”. The more you learn, the more you question. But alas, if you get through schools and colleges as a “ratta maar” scholar, blinkers will be your one and only dear.
Inequality amongst genders is a smaller part of the bigger issue, the one that is threatening the humanity. Humans are apparently the most adaptive living beings on earth. While we are forcing one another to live inside our barbed wires of rules and prejudices, are we even sure about it? Believing in one’s cultures, following them religiously by the book without a regard to whether it holds good for the current age or not is no different than admiring all the wonderful wall hangings, photo frames, aesthetic furniture and turning a blind eye towards the unimaginable dirt on the floor with your feet on it. You will never bring yourself to clean that floor if you hesitate to acknowledge its presence in the first place. Ignoring an issue or a problem, be it yours or your country’s or the whole world’s (global warming? That’s just Chinese playing a “trump” hoax on all of us, isn’t it?), isn’t going to help anyone in anyway. History has spoken for itself in-numerous times. Denial and discrimination will always push you backwards in time. Though you are tricked into viewing it as moving forward.
I have always been pleasantly surprised by and still cannot fathom our country’s rich, deep culture that is probably nowhere seen in the entire world. But so can I not fathom our need to stuff women and their dreams, thoughts and aspirations in a box, treat it like a TNT, hide it somewhere deep inside Earth. The question is, for how long are theses boxes going to stay buried like a volcano before erupting? After all, everything has an expiry date. Even patience.
There is an old Kannada movie song (like half a century old) that goes something like this.
“Hey, civilized man,
You have learnt how to fly over the clouds in the sky like a bird,
You have learnt how to swim in the water like a fish,
But why didn’t you learn how to live on Earth?
Without learning how to connect with other human beings on Earth,
You are off, looking for farther planets.
You made stellar scientific discoveries to further the humanity,
Why are you using them today as weapons to destroy life?”
(Movie: Bhoopathi Ranga, 1970)
And goes on to say,
“The future of the entire world is in front of us like a question mark”
So, first things first. Let’s strive to be better humans. Let’s respect each other’s feelings. Let’s follow live and let live. Then aim for some more?
We also have another option.
We can wait for those damn volcanoes to burst first.