I don’t want to socialize
Seriously, I don’t. Growing up as a teen who loved to talk to people just like that, I now struggle with it big time. It’s like everyone has some beef against me that I either make up in my own head or I genuinely am weird.
Whatever the possibility may be, it’s safe to say that making friends as an adult is very very difficult. Relationships…..oh well leave them.
In a recent conversation, I found myself saying
I think as an adult, I have to prove something to someone each day.
It’s exhausting, come to think of it.
But the fact really is that very less people in this day and age actually want to know you for the beauty of knowing you. Everyone wants something.
This feeling of finding yourself weird came in when I entered university. My self-esteem had already been low and it didn’t help that I met some horrible people. I’m also horrible because I’ve hurt people badly but I’ve never gone out of my way to make someone feel terrible.
That’s not my core.
I used to be a part of this friend circle which used to use me for laughs. It was me in the first place who shouldn’t have established that about myself but honestly, I don’t have any regrets because those frustrations became my first experience of becoming an adult.
I didn’t want to become an adult like that but how do you question God’s plan. I have faith in him.
Constantly thinking that everyone is judging you left right and center can be exhausting but only when you believe those thoughts.
Your mind will often supply you with tons of these unhelpful thoughts that’ll do nothing except make you feel bad about yourself. Then, you will probably look weird. I know I do.
Things I will keep reminding myself :
- The world does not revolve around me.
- People have more important stuff to do rather than psycho-analyzing every movement of mine.
- They are them. You are you. You are better.
- People don’t have to like you. It won’t make you less deserving of a thing.
- The Barista at the coffee shop has a lot of responsibilities, I promise they are not judging you. Even if they are, well for how long?
