What I Learned In Governor’s School Is…

Spoiler alert: I don’t usually cry about things while they’re happening. When sad things happen to me I tend to go into a period of emotional shock until well after the fact, and I usually let it out late at night after listening to lots of sad folk music.

I think that’s why I didn’t cry very much when I left Governor’s School yesterday. For those of you who don’t know, Governor’s School can be described as half learning sanctuary and half safe haven for rising high school juniors and seniors. I have never felt more welcomed into a group so large and so unfamiliar before. But I wasn’t fighting tears when I said goodbye to my group, my counselors, my roommate, my classes, my tribe. I didn’t cry when we packed my last bags into the car. I didn’t cry when we stopped in Harrisonburg for my first non-dining hall meal in weeks (even when they brought out the dinner rolls). My only real emotional outburst occurred after I got home, when I glanced around my room at 11 pm to discover a giant, unsightly bug on my wall. (I was in a fragile state, okay?)

But rest assured, Governor’s School: I love you. I miss you. I miss you terribly. I miss waking up too early to go to classes in the middle of summer, I miss your temperamental weather, I miss getting lost in your campus in the first days of my stay, I miss the unhealthy food. I miss your numerous daily check-ins, despite the trouble I had making them on time. With each time I traversed campus or raced down the hall to show my face to a counselor, I learned that there are always people who like to be reminded that you’re alive.

Coming into Governor’s School, I had always had an underlying feeling of being out of place, alone in a world I couldn’t navigate, plagued by an idea that I hadn’t figured myself out yet and should have. I had just cut ties with a former close friend and felt desolate, anxious, and hollow.

I didn’t leave Governor’s School as the same person. There is nothing more empowering than wandering into a community of 400 people who think, act, and approach life the same way you do. There is nothing more beautiful than being accepted by so many in such a short time. The bonds I have with the beautiful souls I’ve shared this experience with are very real. The people I met and the lessons I learned at Governor’s School have had such a positive, lasting influence on me that I think I haven’t even begun to process it yet. It feels horrible to be torn from those things so suddenly after our short time together, and I will remember this past month for the rest of my life.

But I also feel like in leaving Governor’s School I’ve been released, sent out back into the real world to go on with my life as the changed person I am and to do great things with the things I have learned. Even though I don’t think I’m ready, I also don’t feel like I’ve said goodbye, though I might say differently when I start playing Bob Dylan on repeat later tonight, or the next time I panic momentarily with the realization that I’m not wearing my name tag. I’m aching already for what I’ve just left, but I know that what I now have because of Governor’s School, I’ll have forever, and that it can’t be long before I see my new friends again. To paraphrase one of the songs I’ve been listening to lately, the sky may be falling, but I’ll see you all in a while.

I’m crying a little now. To everyone I’ve had the honor of getting to know over the past month: thank you. You’re all kind, insightful, beautiful people, and I’m so happy to have met you.