Come, my fanatics…

The ‘bad’ things I’ve done never seem to upset me. Most of these you might flinch hearing;

I’ve stolen, selfishly capitalized, and scammed my way in.

I’ve also at times manipulated some weak-minded people, which got things done for me.

I’ve stuck around with somebody for hours at a time, often days, just to get what I wanted — from them or of them, doesn’t really matter.

Maybe right now, you’re thinking, “Hey, what a wannabe” or “that’s a dumbass way to waste your time”, or “what shit”.

Mi amico (my friend), the entire time I was ‘sponsored’ by that person. They paid for my lunch, I smoked their stash, and not once did I have to pay entry to a nightclub. (Maybe that’s why even now I hate paying and choose to hustle instead).

My social circle was heaven.

I also lied sometimes. And these lies weren’t a potential threat to anyone’s life. I lied to get out of places, to get away from people I didn’t want to associate with. Sometimes they may have been the same people I manipulated.

I have lied incessantly to get what I want.

Nevertheless, I kinda sucked at it; the lying.

Most of the time I had more fun being truthful and straightforward. When I just couldn’t pretend to be interested anymore, being direct was easy: “You’re sexy, I’m sexy, let’s do something!” I have no interest in prolonging the inevitable when it’s my time being invested.

Now, when I re-read the things above, I wondered why I was writing about it. Was it a rant? Why would anyone want to read any of this narcissistic nonsense? Who cares really?

Here’s why;

Given the opportunity a LOT of you would want to do the same kind of shit. The same lying, cheating, and stealing. Some of you have already done something like that, maybe not as intensely. Maybe not as consciously. But unless the other person died because of you, I say it’s all good.

I never ever feel bad about any of my actions. Good or bad.

They make me. They are me. If I denied my feelings, even if I didn’t associate with them, I’d be denying my SENSE OF SELF. My sense of self is who I believe myself to be, my ideal self. And what makes a strong, bold person is someone who is firm about their ideal self. When you accept who you are, you can be sure of the kind of boundaries you need to be you.

Boundaries?

It’s simple.

there’s your side and there’s my side

What are boundaries in a social construct?

Human beings are social animals. You are a social animal. You live with and are surrounded by people. Not right next to you but in your head as well. Your Facebook and Whatsapp contact list is full of people. And believe it or not, you do what you want to do because of those people. A lot of who you believe yourself to be is influenced by these people.

But, here’s the catch.

Unless WE DON’T KNOW who we are, we won’t be able to be OURSELVES in a relationship with anyone. We will lose our identity trying to compromise living the relationship. We will become what the other person in the relationship wants us to be.

It could be any relationship, that of employee-employer, a calligraphy student and his sensei, two lovers, sometimes more than two, business partners.

Even prostitutes.

Yeah, that’s right prostitutes have the strictest boundaries because a lot of the experienced ones are self-aware. They know they have to fuck for money, but they let their customer know what they will and will not do.

‘No anal.’

‘No blowjobs.’

‘Only rough sex.’

Do anything they don’t want and they will leave.

When as individuals we don’t express these boundaries, and some other person pushes us into them, it causes an uncomfortable sensation. Sometimes like claustrophobia; like being stuck in a closed air-conditioned bus surrounded by people. Or sometimes you just want to fucking punch them in the teeth. Lash out with violence and harsh words.

It happens a lot with teenagers.

The harsh reality of being unloved

Why does society make it okay for that age to be labeled as an ‘angry, rebellious stage’?

Parents love their children in strange ways. Sometimes they believe that locking their kid up in a room for hours is love. And it’s not just the violent, abusive behavior. A parent-child relationship goes quite deep into manipulating the psychology and social cognizance of the child.

You must have seen it among your overly religious friends too. The psychology even goes as far as making some kids believe that if their parents hit them, they are doing it because the parents love them.

LIKE, FUCK NO!

If your douchey parents aren’t willing to understand you, for you who you are and what you want to do, then it’s NOT your fault. It’s not under your control that you were born to them. It’s not under your control they don’t think like you. It’s definitely not under your control they don’t want to spend money on things that will help you grow as a person.

But, it’s totally your jurisdiction that allows for not expressing your boundaries.

Of course your parents think they have the right to hit you. I’m not trying to say they’re violent people, but there are times some people can no longer be rational.

“All of my life, I’ve been waiting for you, Come lay down your head, rest in my arms, you’re free tonight.”

If your mom is being unreasonable, like most mothers today, then it’s up to you to set your boundaries. A girl I’m dating told me her mom is a total psycho about her meeting her male friends.

I was like, “why?”. The girl had no definite answer.

And then after a few dates it hit me.

She doesn’t have personal set boundaries for herself for when she is with men. And since she is so unaware, she is unable to communicate with her mother. I mean if you don’t know yourself, and your own boundaries, how can you convince someone else, that is your mother in this case?

You know that girl in your class who bangs a lot of guys and whose mother is okay with her bringing her fuck buddies back home? Guess what, that ‘slut’ and her mother probably have a very honest and open relationship where they actively discuss each other’s sex lives and their thoughts and dreams and other things.

That’s the boundary she has set with her mother, and vice versa.

And why not?

One came out of the other’s womb. The other bathed and cleaned her daughter for god knows how many weeks. This healthy relationship should also exist when talking about sex, life, dreams maybe even drugs.

This active and healthy relationship always follows the active establishment of boundaries.

The peacocking drama

For us individuals with active sex lives, the relationships we work hardest for are with the people who pay our salary or the people we want to go to bed with. Sometimes they’re the same. And it’s when we totally go out of our way to impress the other person, that we compromise on our boundaries.

“Oh, my boss wants me to skip lunch to finish some work for him, and it’s only at lunch that I meet my girl during the weekday. Should I skip meeting my girl?” or “Oh, there’s this super-hot girl in my class but she doesn’t seem to like bearded men. Should I shave my beard?”

This shit happens so much in immature relationships that it fucks with my conscience to another level.

I met this guy in college whose girlfriend hated the idea of people smoking. She was someone I personally admired for her pride, but even that sometimes got too intense. There was a time she even admitted to hating the people who smoked.

Now, her boyfriend used to smoke pot all the time with his buddies, he lied to his girl about it, and the worst part was how he shat himself if she ever confronted him about it. Like I remember the only time we met he told me, “Hey bro if my girl asks if we smoked pot, say no.”

Now, this is a clear scenario where the dude had no respect for himself and his boundaries. He just wanted to be with that chick.

She was fucking hot I don’t blame him.

Most of the time, this is us. We don’t want to compromise our relationship by telling someone, “Oh, I spend my Sundays shit faced on my bed, recovering from a hangover, binging on some Narcos, wishing I was dead” or “I would rather be at home taking a hot shower and talking to my penis, but here I am”.

You don’t want to hurt your friend. You don’t want your friend to know how useless you are. You don’t want your friend to know that you haven’t watched one Star Wars movie, but then if you don’t they’ll probably never take you to Comic-Con with them.

At the same time, there are some ballsy people with some direction towards their ideal self. And these people can be very effective manipulators because they know what they truly desire, making themselves really good at using people.

Just because they know themselves.

Sometimes that’s me ;)