The ONLY CURE for Crippling Anxiety (By Dr. John Delony)
Crippling anxiety — those moments when you feel utterly helpless and overwhelmed. For many, it seems like an endless loop of tension, fear, and exhaustion. It’s not just a feeling; it’s an alarm going off in your mind and body, telling you that something is wrong. But, like an alarm, it’s not the problem itself, just a signal that there’s something deeper that needs attention.
In a recent episode of *The Minimalists* podcast featuring Dr. John Delony, Ryan Nicodemus, and Josh Fields Millburn, they dive deep into the nature of anxiety, what causes it, and how to deal with it. What’s striking about their conversation is how they frame anxiety not as an enemy to be defeated but as a signal, a wake-up call. Let’s explore this in detail and look at what Delony, a mental health expert, has to say about anxiety and how to effectively cure it — not with medication or avoidance but with a deep understanding of where it comes from.
Understanding Anxiety: An Alarm System
Anxiety has been heavily pathologized in modern times. We’re quick to label it as a disorder, as something that needs to be treated or medicated away. According to Dr. Delony, however, anxiety is often just a natural alarm system. He explains:
“Anxiety is really just an alarm system that’s all it is and it is just letting you know most of the time you’re disconnected, you’re out of relationship with people in your community, you found yourself alone.”
This analogy of anxiety as an alarm is profound. Much like a smoke detector warns us of a fire, anxiety alerts us that something in our life is off-kilter. However, our modern response to anxiety often resembles taking the batteries out of the smoke detector rather than putting out the fire.
Dr. Delony highlights three primary reasons anxiety might flare up:
1. Disconnection from Community: Humans are social creatures. Loneliness, isolation, or strained relationships can trigger intense feelings of anxiety because we are wired to thrive in community.
2. Being in Unsafe Situations: Whether it’s a toxic relationship, a harmful work environment, or unresolved past trauma, our bodies respond to perceived danger, often reminding us of past threats through anxious feelings.
3. Lack of Control: When we don’t have autonomy over important aspects of our lives, it can trigger significant anxiety. Feeling trapped in a situation, whether financial, emotional, or physical, is unsettling.
Understanding the root causes of anxiety is the first step in addressing it. Rather than simply trying to numb the feelings, it’s about understanding what your body is trying to tell you.
The Modern Challenge: Our Obsession with Comfort
Dr. Delony explains how our modern obsession with comfort has exacerbated the anxiety epidemic. In the past, discomfort was a part of daily life, and people naturally adapted to it. However, as technology advanced, we began to focus on eliminating every form of discomfort, even the ones meant to keep us alert and connected to reality.
“In the last 50 to 100 years, we have become so obsessed with solving for comfort that we’ve pathologized discomfort. We’ve made discomfort the enemy.”
This shift has led us to believe that anxiety, sadness, or frustration are always bad things to be avoided or medicated away. But these feelings have evolutionary value — they are signals that something in our life needs to change.
Fake Cures for Anxiety
In the quest for comfort, many people turn to false solutions to deal with anxiety. These include:
Medications: While sometimes necessary, medications like benzodiazepines (benzos) only dull the alarm rather than address the underlying issues.
Addictions: Whether it’s alcohol, drugs, pornography, or shopping, these provide temporary relief from anxiety but come at a significant cost.
Distractions: We live in a world full of distractions — whether it’s social media, binge-watching TV shows, or constantly seeking new experiences. These distractions provide a false sense of control but ultimately leave us more disconnected from ourselves and others.
“Addiction, whether it’s alcohol, porn, or shopping, is like duct-taping over your smoke alarm while your house is burning down.”
Real Cure: Lean Into Discomfort
Dr. Delony shares his personal experience with anxiety and the profound shift in his perspective. Instead of fighting against his body and trying to numb anxiety, he learned to lean into it.
“When I feel [anxiety] coming, I begin to be curious with my body. What are you trying to protect me from?”
This curiosity can be incredibly freeing. Instead of viewing anxiety as the enemy, it becomes a tool for better understanding yourself. When anxiety shows up, ask: *What is this trying to tell me?
For Delony, the cure for anxiety isn’t about making it disappear but making peace with it. He shares how intense physical exercise, like running up a hill, has helped him alleviate anxiety. By exhausting his body, he found that his mind didn’t have room to focus on anxious thoughts.
Ryan Nicodemus also shares his experience with anxiety, explaining how he would self-medicate with drugs and alcohol to push down his feelings. It wasn’t until he sought professional help and therapy that he began to rewrite the stories he told himself and face his anxiety head-on.
How to Heal Anxiety: Facing the Fire
As Delony points out, you can’t numb anxiety without eventually paying the price. At some point, you need to confront the deeper issues causing it. Here are some practical steps he suggests:
1. Get with Someone: Healing anxiety starts with reconnecting. Talk to someone you trust, whether a close friend, family member, or therapist. Anxiety thrives in isolation, but it loses its power when shared.
2. Take Inventory: Step outside yourself and examine your life. What’s causing your alarm to go off? Is it financial stress, unresolved trauma, or a toxic relationship?
3. Align Your Actions with Your Values: Anxiety often spikes when there’s a disconnect between who you are and what you do. Aligning your life with your core values can help alleviate that tension.
4. Seek Professional Help: Sometimes, professional help is necessary to help you gain perspective and shift the story you tell yourself. Therapists offer tools that can help you look at your life through a new lens.
The Role of Therapy: Shifting Your Story
Nicodemus shares how therapy helped him with anxiety by giving him the tools to rewrite the narrative he had been telling himself. Therapy is not about fixing you but helping you gain a new perspective on your experiences and responses.
“You tell [your therapist] your story, and they go, huh, why don’t you look at your story through this lens?”
This shift in perspective can be incredibly powerful in dealing with anxiety. It’s about reframing how you interpret and respond to life’s challenges.
Conclusion: Anxiety is Not the Enemy
The ultimate takeaway from Dr. Delony’s perspective is that anxiety is not something to fear or numb but something to understand and work through. It’s an essential part of the human experience, signaling when something in our life is out of balance.
By shifting your mindset and seeing anxiety as a tool rather than an enemy, you can begin to heal. Whether it’s through community, physical exercise, or professional help, the key is to lean into the discomfort and listen to what your body is trying to tell you.