Stop Weighting for Something to Happen

A little while ago I wrote an inspiring blog entry (at least I thought it was) about how I had gained twenty-five ugly pounds while trying to ease the stress of my soul crushing full-time job, and that I was determined to get back to having a fitter figure. Well, it’s now seven weeks later and I’ve only lost about 3 or 4 pounds, and that’s only because I went on an extreme three-day diet and almost blacked out from hunger in the process.

I’m pretty bummed out because had I started doing at least a minimal amount of exercise on a daily basis, and stopped eating sugary treats, I would’ve been over ten pounds down right now and feeling much better about myself. It’s never easy trying to lose weight, but in the past I’ve been able to set up guidelines for myself and follow them and produce successful results. This time around, not so much, and I’m trying to figure out why. My willpower has vanished.

It would be easy for me to place the blame outside of myself, and chalk my issues up to some kind of obscure astrological event that is interrupting my inner peace…I’m looking at you Mercury Retrograde! But the truth is, I’m messing up. Big time. Summer is quickly coming to an end, and I’ve gotten to a point where I feel so insecure that I don’t want to wear dresses or shorts, or anything fitting. Not being able to feel cute in the summertime is torture! The extra weight is also causing me to sweat a little bit more, and with the humidity in the DC area, half the time I look like I just stepped out of a sauna.

Just hanging out with my friends and my partner is painful because I feel so far from my best self. Deep down I know that they love me for the wonderfully charismatic weirdo that I am on the inside, but in my mind, I imagine people speculating on how much I have let myself go. I’m supposed to be taking a trip home to New York within the next month or so, and now I think I’ll be delaying that trip until around the holidays. I’m not really in the mood for my mother to tell me that my father mentioned in passing that my butt is getting a little big. For those of you who are wondering, I’ve heard that before.

Should I be worried about the judgment of others? Not at all. But the reality is that when you’re not feeling great about yourself, how you view your place in the world changes. I have been feeling like the low man on the totem pole lately, and some days I just want to be invisible.

Knowing that I feel like this, you would think that I would rush to do something about it. But I’ll start eating healthier for a few days or I’ll exercise for a day or two, and then I just stop. I feel too tired to exercise and I’m pretty sure that I’m addicted to sugar. I need to push past those little doubtful voices that are swirling around in my brain, and get myself back on track, no matter how burnt out I may feel.

I’ve noticed that I keep telling myself that “I’ll start tomorrow”. Famous last words. Time passes and tomorrow turns into a week, and then a month. I feel so uninspired.

I’ve been avoiding going to the doctor for my annual physical, because I’m afraid they will tell me something that I don’t want to hear. Although there is a history of diabetes, high blood pressure, and cholesterol issues in my family, it’s never been a problem for me. In the past, I have worn my fasting blood sugar around like a badge of honor because I just knew that I wasn’t going to be a pill popper like my parents. Now I feel so sluggish and unhealthy, I am worried that I may have started myself on the path to some horrible ailment.

I’m gonna have to dig deep in order to keep myself motivated. I’m gonna have to develop a one track mind and immerse myself into fitness and really focus. I’ve been spending a lot of time focusing on how I look and not enough time thinking about the long term effects that carrying around extra weight can have on my health. On top of the stress that I already deal with on a daily basis, I don’t want to have the added worry of being diagnosed with a chronic illness or disease. I want to live a long and healthy life and I’ve got to start taking better care of myself.

That means posting pictures of toned abs and tushies on my vision board so that every day I can walk into my bedroom and remember what I’m working towards. I need to plan out my meals in advance and stick to it. No leaving my lunch in the refrigerator because one of the good food trucks is finally parked outside of my office building. I need to get up earlier and start exercising before work. Because by the time I get home, I’m dead to the world, and at least in the morning I’m slightly more energetic. I also need to not beat myself up if I slip. Just because in a moment of weakness I decided that one of my son’s Pop Tarts looked tantalizing, that doesn’t mean that I just disregard everything and eat junk for the rest of the day.

I encourage anyone who is having a hard time losing weight to sit down right now and start planning. Don’t put it off until tomorrow. Don’t wait until the start of the new week. Do it now. Make a conscious effort to eat healthier. Get some exercise. Even if it’s only for a few minutes a day, do what you can. Drink lots of water and get lots of sleep. Do some research and see what works best for your body. Watch a Rocky movie, get inspired!

Your output will depend solely on the effort that you put in, you are in complete control! It is my hope that you will see me trying to push past my struggles and decide that you want to do the same. I need you around so that you can continue to enjoy the witty musings of my blog! Let’s accomplish our goals together! Join me! Wouldn’t it be nice to have one less thing to be anxious about?