The Vacuous Awkwardness that is “Made in Chelsea”

Often, as I sit on the sofa in eager anticipation of the constructed reality programme, Made in Chelsea, I wonder why I’m even remotely interested in it.

After all, it’s a show about a bunch of pretentious mummy’s boys and gossiping sugar-daddy’s girls snogging, sleeping around and more importantly showcasing possibly THE most awkward silences ever aired on TV. So why is it, that time after time, I seem to fall into the same trap of watching this programme series after series?

Is it because they live such spiffingly different lives to mine and everyone I know? Is it because they never work and always paaaarteey? They’re so wrapped up in their own self-important bubble that they wouldn’t stop to think: is it bad of me to sleep with my best friends ex? Would my girlfriend mind if I had and orgy with three other girls? Is it okay for me to lie continuously to the faces of all my friends?

And so, as you can imagine, they fall into the same old petty arguments and dull circular plotlines…Usually involving the self-obsessed and stubborn pout queen: Lucy Watson. Described on Wikipedia as a “socialite”, her fame came into play simply due to her affluent background, like most other characters who appear on the show. She has the tendency to get caught up in love triangles and bitch fights and all things awkward, and never fails to put up a good fight, to the delight of all the viewers.

But perhaps the most intriguing character is Mark Francis. Completely unconcerned with anyone other than himself and his side-bitch Victoria, he really does epitomise a modern day prince. His unfamiliar absurdity creates a certain fascination…does he really live in the same world as we do? No, he doesn’t.

Then there are the characters that really don’t learn from their mistakes, most notably, Spencer Matthews. Having dated and had carnal knowledge of practically the entire female cast, it’s no surprise he has several enemies. Unsurprisingly, his fortune also comes from the likes of his family who own the Eden Rock Hotel in St Barts. However, unlike most of them, Spencer has managed to make a career, starting as a PR manager for a select group of London nightclubs (including Amika, Movida and Boujis), and moving on to becoming a broker (apparently).

Undoubtedly, the most likeable character is the naïve and wonderfully unaware Jamie Laing. The bleached blonde haired “boi” has utilised his fame wisely, creating a confectionary brand called “Candy Kittens”. However, instead of spending industrious days in the office, he seems to have the best of both worlds, as he spends much of his time with the Candy Kitten models, who are dressed up as sexy cats…interesting.

As the series’ have come and gone we’ve learnt that there really isn’t much to these unoriginal characters and that the only thing setting them apart from everyone else… is they’re rolling in it. Which affords them the luxuries of spontaneously jetting off to Dubai, Finland, Marrakech, Cannes, Verbier, Amsterdam, Saint-Tropez, South Africa, Venice, and New York City (…yes, these are all locations they have been to on the show). What works for us is the vicarious pleasure of watching the nearly real people live fabulous fatuous lives in glam locations…a 50 minute vacation of the vacuous. What works for them is that they get to sell their sweets and earn even more superfluous money.

And maybe, that is part of the strange attraction of the show — we are in awe and disbelief of the incredulous lives these people lead. And maybe, just maybe, a little bit jealous.