“Wala pa yan sa mga ginawa niyo last year, bakit pagod na pagod na kayo? Kaya pa ba?”
Last school year was probably the best yet the most tiring year for me as a student for almost twelve years. Imagine, making do-it-yourself arcade for foundation week while making props for your play in English, doing C++ programs while painting your projects, going home at 10:00 PM and going to school at 5:00 AM, having a book exhibit and Marian exhibit, making research in World History (with conceptual framework), making unique products to sell, speech choir for English and Buwan ng Wika, making your own newspaper and I don’t remember the other things, maybe I really did forget them for it is bone-breaking and mind-crashing moments.
I don’t know, but I feel more tired this year even we have more time than before. Maybe, because a lot of things has changed this year. Maybe, I really lost my motivation. What happened? This is not me.
I want my old life back. Where I’m not hesitating to share my problems, where I can advice for other people, where I don’t care on what others will tell me, where I’m stronger and free.
I want my old self back, too. Where I….I…I….did I forgot who I am before?
When I saw you last Friday, my tears fell…again.
“Oh bakit?” You asked while I’m walking toward you.
You looked at my eyes as if I was about to cry.
I ran, ran to hug you, so tight, and there I felt the comfort, at that moment, I know I’m home. I cried, cried on your shoulders like no one is watching and told you everything.
“Hay nako, ang iyakin mo talaga.” Instead of getting mad, I laughed, I laughed because of being such a crybaby.
“Sa’yo lang naman ako umiiyak e.” and you laughed, but I know, deep inside you don’t want what you’re seeing. I can feel that you feel pity, and I know it saddens you seeing me like that.
There, for that few seconds, I realized that my — our number one fan is still there, you really never left.
I’m mentally, physically, emotionally drained at this very moment of my life. Pray for my soul. I hope I can surpass not just my projects but also my problems. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. Woooh, motivation please!!
AS MUCH AS I WANT FOR THIS BLOG TO BE NOT DRAMATIC, I’M SORRY BUT I TRIED, AND FOR THE PEOPLE WHO CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M TRYING TO POINT OUT HERE, AGAIN HAHA I’M SORRY.