Assessing the Apocalypse #8
The Case of the Midnight Saxophone
I couldn’t come up with a less ridiculous title for this week’s review.
How could one ever capture the sheer Cohen-esque oddity of the Jazz forward stranger who approached the front desk Jason, the overnight manager, and I were working that night?
No class of clickbait could convey the legitimate ethical/moral dilemma between a man on a quest to retrieve his beloved horn and two reluctant gatekeeps; both sincerely empathetic to his quandary and bound by sworn duty to keep him from breaching the forbidden doorway.
Overnight shifts have a certain appeal to me; Being up while the world is asleep, the admin procedures at the desk itself, and not to mention the significantly lower rate of guest interaction. The double-edge being that the overnight window significantly increases the odds that the people you DO interact with will range from eepy-sleepy >:( to out-of-their-fucking-minds.
Most of encounters are uneventful but every now and again you’ll find yourself at the door of the office discreetly armed with pair of scissors in case the several security guards currently pinning down the man on bath salts breaches and makes for somewhere to hole up. Due to this, staff working the desk at this hour are tend to be more on their guard than your average front desk agent.
The clock was well past midnight but a steady trickle of guests were still making their way back to their rooms from the city. I stood at my post conducting the overnight audit when a man on a mission approached.
I asked how I could be of assistance.
“My name is Stan Killian. I am a Saxophone Player. My friend is staying here and I left my Saxophone in his room. I need to get my horn.”
The man’s voice was low, raspy, and frankly kind of badass. This said, any calm and collected bundled with his cool was betrayed by a clear indication that he knew it wasn’t a simple ask.
His friend’s phone was going straight to voicemail. He didn’t know if he was already passed out drunk upstairs or still out walking the streets.
I bring in Jason who, like me, isn’t quite sure what to make of this fellow but is intrigued. He offers to have security knock on the door but alas dear Stan cannot recall the room number as he only went up to stash the sax before heading out to drink.
Y’know, in case something happened to it.
Stan asks if we can look up the room number by name which presents another layer in this 7-layer dip of customer service paradox. We’re not even permitted to verify if people are staying at the hotel to inquiring rando’s, let alone name the room and grant them access.
We explain the above.
“…look I completely understand all of that but…I need my horn. I’m a saxophone player, you can look me up. Stan Killian.”
Jason and I share a look that any Desk Agent and Manager who reach these sorts of impossible conundrums have shared since the dawn of hospitality. What on earth are we going to do?
We all agree there’s a problem. We don’t think this man is lying to us or is trying to heist a rare saxophone from a dealer staying at our hotel. But because we’ve had hundreds of people lie to our faces even when presented with video evidence of their actions, we can’t capitulate;
Too much can go wrong.
Stan is not unreasonable, but he needs his horn and doesn’t know what else to do. No one sucks here except every deceiver who has taught our species that very few of us are to be trusted. Too many have suffered thanks to evil taking advantage of kindness in a moment of vulnerability. Many would argue that this episode is a more than worthy price to pay to prevent further pain. I have a hard time arguing against that but I’m also not one to let fear dictate my actions. I’m also not an idiot.
Then suddenly, as all three of us were on the verse of losing consciousness due to the sheer dissonance of conflicting interests-
His friend stumbles in to the hotel; A regular deus-ex-lobby-a.
“YOU FUCK!” Stan exclaims with equal parts relief and frustration.
The two friends head up to the room, Stan comes back down with his Saxophone a few minutes later, and the hackles on Jason and I’s necks finally stand down.
I give The Case of the Midnight Saxophone 5 Blistering Solos out of 5.
Read the last review here!