So who’s leading the Resistance within the Trump administration?
I’ll tell you one person it definitely isn’t.

It’s the whodunit of 2018. Who authored the New York Times op-ed detailing the salacious covert mission to derail the Trump presidency from within is anybody’s guess at this point and everyone around town has their favorite candidate. From Mike “Biding-My-Time” Pence to the adult in the room at any given time General James Mattis literally everyone is a suspect with their own reasons to play Brutus to the burgeoning dictator. Every super sleuth in town, while not wanting to reveal the identity of Secret Agent Man (or Woman) for fear of derailing his sacred mission, is jumping thru hoops to find out just who it is exactly so that someday when the president is perp walked out of the Oval Office they can make themselves look like a true Washington insider telling their colleagues how they knew all along. Sure you did, Bob, sure you did.
Some people are getting pretty darned creative with their assumptions and one of my favorites has to be the hilariously brilliant senior editor at The Root Stephen A. Crockett, Jr. His theory is sure to blow your wig back and in his riotous new article he lays out a case so far off the range it almost makes sense. He theorized that it is none other than the languorous Ben Carson that penned the mission details and he spells out how he’s sure of this in riotous fashion.
A completely insane but very possible conspiracy theory
But the problem is…

Carson didn’t do it. He just didn’t. He’s the Mr. Magoo of the president’s cabinet and if he’s a part of any resistance trust me he blindly stumbled into it and has no idea what or who exactly they’re supposed to be resisting. He almost certainly naps through all of their secret meetings and if asked his opinion on what their next moves might be he lulls his co-conspirators to sleep with tales of his days as a hardened thug in the streets of Baltimore and his love of expensive furniture. Which brings me to my next point. It’s been a long time since he traded switch blades for scalpels and what ever G code he lived by then has long since been supplanted by the vanilla life of righteousness he abides by now. To put it plainly, he’s just not gangsta enough to get down with something like this. These days I pretty much guarantee that over time he’s built up enough snitch in him to run and tell the New York Times about their secret plan and now he’s probably got too much bitch in him also to even join the Resistance in the first place. I could only see this happening if the only other Negro he had to confide in, Omarosa, was constantly in his ear gassing him up every day to get down or lay down because you know that she was a part of it. It just sounds like some shit she would pull and I guarantee the next hot tape she drops verifies all of this. It’s been a minute since we last heard from her, she’s overdue. I’m thinking Stephen should look more in her direction, I’m sure she’s still attending the secret meetings. Although as a fan I wish he were right, sadly Mr. Crockett is wrong which means at least for him it’s back to the drawing board. If he finds that he could use a little help in sussing out this mystery I gladly offer my services. I grew up reading The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries, together we can figure this out and savor the office bragging rights once the truth finally comes out. That’s if I can stop myself from telling everybody I know which is most likely what would happen. I can’t keep a secret for shit.
Update: Apparently Carson felt the heat was on and sought to clear his name. Did things just get a little too close for comfort Dr. Carson?
