Watching CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR With My Wife

Well, I was watching, my wife was kinda watching, mostly working. She’s not really into superhero movies. And by “not really into” I mean she usually falls asleep.

SPOILER ALERT for this and the two Avengers movies.


Midway through the opening action scene.
Wife:”Oh is this still happening?”


William Hurt on screen. He’s got an uncharacteristically bushy mustache.
Wife:”Is that William Hurt? I think it is William Hurt. Is it?”


Wife:”Is Quicksilver in this?”
Me:”He died in the last movie.”
Wife:”The one where he’s living in his mom’s basement?”
Me:”No, that’s X-men. In the movie where he dies he’s Scarlet Witch’s brother.”
Wife:”Scarlet Johansen has a brother?”
Me:”No, Wanda.”
Wife:”Wanda?”
Me:”The Olsen sister.”
Wife:”The one who blew up the building?”
Me:”Yes.”
Wife:”I like Quicksilver.”


Halfway through the movie when Tony Stark rips off the just-crashed War Machine’s helmet.
Wife:”Oh look it’s Don Cheadle!”
Me:”He’s been in the movie the whole time, Sweetie.”


Sebastian Stan (Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier) wrestling bad guys.
Wife:”Are they friends now?”
Me:”No, they’re trying to kill each other.”
Wife:”Oh I thought they were hugging.”


Expecting Gwyneth Paltrow.
Wife:”Where’s Peppa?”


For a series of reasons that you really had to be paying attention to understand, Anthony Mackie (Sam Wilson/The Falcon) scowls from behind bars.
Wife: “Oh he’s in jail? Is he a bad guy now?”
Me: “I just cannot even.”


Chris Evans (Steve Rodgers/Captain America) on the screen.
Wife:”He really looks like a movie star.”
Chadwick Boseman (T’Challa/Black Panther) enters the frame.
Wife: “But he’s much more interesting looking. To me. He and Robert Downey Jr.”


A couple of hours in.
Wife:”Oh are you still watching that?”

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