18 Practical Tips to Deal with Toxic People
Learn to identify and handle toxic people
All of you might have encountered a toxic person at some point in your life. Generally, you can identify a toxic person by their behavior just after interacting a few times.
Toxic people are usually narcissistic, controlling, manipulators, unreasonably critical, liars, over-dramatic, gossipers, and possess the capability to suck your energy, make you stressed, harm your self-esteem, worsen your mood, make you depressed, and negatively impact your mental health in many ways. They always tend to blame you, even when they have committed mistakes, and never apologize for that.
It is always best to keep toxic people away from you, but practically it might not be possible in many scenarios.
For instance,
What if your boss is toxic and you don’t have any other job offer? Or
What about being surrounded by toxic co-workers? Or
What if any of your family members is toxic?
In these scenarios, you cannot easily get away from them. Hence, you have to learn to co-exist with them, try to reduce their negative impact on you, and start preparing for either being away from them or minimizing contact with them in the long run.
For handling toxicity, the first step is to identify and recognize it. You may identify toxic people in your personal life based on the traits mentioned above (At the beginning of the article). Here are a few tips to identify toxicity in the workplace. Following are a few of the red signals to look for at your office.
1. Gossip Culture
Gossiping is a common thing in almost all workplaces. But there is a difference between an individual gossiping with someone about some random thing and the whole system adopting this culture. Let me elaborate on this, what I mean by ‘gossip culture’ is when almost everyone at your workplace seems to indulge in that (Including your boss or leadership) too frequently that doing it becomes the unsaid norm. Gossip culture is a prominent sign that your workplace is toxic.
2. High Attrition Rate
If the attrition rate is high i.e., more people are leaving that organization over a period of time. Then, it is highly likely that the work environment over there is toxic.
3. Lack of Support
If you find that there is no one at your office to guide or support a new employee, and everyone seems to be afraid of helping anyone. Then, that workplace might be toxic.
4. Lack of Interest Among Employees in the Workplace
If you observe that all of the employees are exhausted all the time and are not at all enthusiastic about their work, then the workplace seems to be toxic.
5. Lack of Communication
Lack of proper communication, miscommunication, and focus on negative communication at various levels of the organization are suggestive of a toxic environment.
6. Employee Sickness
When most of the employees are experiencing high amounts of stress, and are having mental health-related issues, it is indicative of a toxic workplace. (A particular employee or a few employees having separate personal health issues is not what we are discussing here).
7. Dictatorial Boss
Having a dictatorial boss makes the work environment toxic for all of the employees.
8. Micromanagement Culture
Another common thing that turns the work environment toxic is having a boss, a leader, or management that believes in micromanaging everything.
9. No Recognition of Merit
When you find that there is no appreciation for good work at an organization, it is highly likely that the place is toxic.
10. Sycophancy Culture
When appreciation, promotions, and everything seems to be working only for sycophants who indulge in boot-licking of their bosses, then that place is definitely toxic.
Once you have identified the toxic people around you, you may follow these tips to deal with them.
1. Do Not Participate in the Gossip Initiated by Any of Your Toxic Colleagues
Doing this will discourage them to gossip next time.
2. If You Are in a Leading Position, Then Never Encourage a Sycophant.
When you don’t encourage sycophancy, it gives a clear message that you are interested in meritocracy which will inspire other employees to work enthusiastically.
3. Learn to Say NO to Toxic People
Toxic people are often interested in manipulating and using you for their benefit. Saying No to them will send a message that you are not always available (to be used by them). Saying NO without feeling guilty or being rude is a bit tricky. I have written another article dedicated to this:
4. Don’t Feel Guilty When It’s Not Your Fault
Toxic people have the tendency to make you feel guilty every time, even when they are wrong. Never feel guilty when you have not done anything wrong.
5. Stay Calm and Respectfully Disagree
It is natural to get annoyed by the behavior of toxic people. But you should remain calm and show your disagreement without indulging in abuse. They will be happy to fight and later on accuse you of everything and make you feel guilty for your behavior. Expressing your disagreement in an assertive and pointed manner will be the most productive.
6. Prioritize Yourself
Toxic people always want you to prioritize them, no matter what. But don’t fall into their trap and always do whatever is good for you.
7. Limit Your Interaction
When you cannot get rid of toxic people, try to reduce your interaction with them. Do not interact unless it is very important.
8. Set Boundaries
You should strictly set boundaries with such people, or else they would like to bother you all the time, even when you are in your personal space, when you are sleeping, eating, or spending time with your loved ones.
9. Be Firm and Assertive
It is very important to talk firmly and assertively with toxic people to stop them from manipulating and exploiting you.
10. Don’t Think About What They Say (If they are unreasonably critical of you or denigrate you)
Toxic people have the tendency to criticize you without any genuine reason. If you take them seriously and will keep thinking about them, then you may become depressed.
11. Have a Support System
If any of your family members or your close friend is able to understand you, then you should consider openly talking to them about your issues and ask for help from them as and when required.
12. Leave Your Work at the Office (While working from home also, you need to set a clear boundary)
Leaving your work-related things when you leave the office will help you to limit the negative effect of your toxic boss or a toxic colleague on you. While working from home, it even becomes more difficult to practice. I have written a separate article on this issue. Here is the link:
13. Connect to Positive People
Try to find positive people (At your workplace as well as in your personal life) and connect with them. Their presence in your life will help you to counter the negative effects of toxic people.
14. Practice Something After Work That Relieves Your Stress
Maybe practicing meditation, yoga, partying, spending time with positive family members, friends, etc. will be helpful to bust the stress induced by toxic people.
15. Take a Break
Taking a break is one of the most effective ways of rejuvenating. Of course, make sure that you don’t have any toxic person accompanying you during that break. Frequently taking small breaks or going on a vacation will effectively reduce the negative impact of toxic people on your life.
16. Keep a Record of Your Office-Related Work
Document your work at the office. Toxic people have the habit of blaming you for anything that goes wrong. Keeping a proper record of your work will be very helpful for you in proving your point in such situations.
17. Discuss with Them How You Feel
This may seem to be counter-intuitive, but when the toxic person is too close to you (Maybe a sibling, another family member, or a close friend) and you genuinely want to give them a chance to improve before distancing yourself from them. Then you should consider discussing with them respectfully what you are feeling about them. While doing that, don’t directly blame them (Doing this will further annoy them) rather say how bad you felt after what they said or how sad you were feeling after your previous conversation.
18. Plan Your Exit Strategy
It is very difficult or rather impossible to change toxic people. Hence, your ultimate goal should be to get rid of them. If it is not currently possible, then you should explore other options to get rid of them in the long run.
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