The Power of Saying NO
How to say NO without being arrogant or feeling guilty
Do you really find it difficult to say NO to people without feeling guilty about it?
Don’t worry, you are not alone!
Many people find it difficult to say NO even when they are too busy and over-committed. But saying No is often necessary for you at your workplace as well as in your personal life. Not doing so may lead to anger, regret, stress, and resentment in the long run. Remember that saying NO to others is like saying YES to yourself. You better know whom to prioritize.
Warren Buffett, the renowned billionaire investor said the following.
“The difference between successful people and really successful people,” he says, “is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”
Time is one of the most precious assets that you possess. Saying YES to everyone will result in a wastage of your precious time doing unimportant tasks that you do not like and are not even worth doing. Don’t try to please everyone. Remember that overcommitment damages reputation.
According to Josh Billings (An English navigator, and explorer)
“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.”
Steve Jobs said it differently.
“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.”
However, saying NO in a bad tone and the wrong way can create serious problems. It may tarnish your image at the workplace, ruin your relationship with family members and friends, and cause irrevocable damage.
Hence, saying NO without hurting others or feeling guilty is a marvelous skill.
Here are a few tips to help you.
1. Offer an Alternative
Whenever possible, offer an alternative to what you have denied. For instance, at the workplace when your boss is assigning you a new project and you genuinely feel that you are too overloaded and taking up another new project might not be practically possible for you. Then instead of blatantly saying NO, you should politely articulate reasons why it would not be possible for you to do it and try to suggest an alternative for getting the work done (of course keeping in mind that your boss should not be offended by that).
Keep in mind that in general you don’t owe an explanation for saying NO to anyone and you should not, except in a few scenarios like your workplace where you report to your boss, in committed relationships, etc. In these cases, where you feel that you genuinely owe an explanation, then always politely articulate the reasons for saying NO.
Let us consider another example, if your relative asks you to attend the full two/three days of the wedding ceremony events of his daughter, you can say that you will try, but can promise only to attend the few hours of the ceremony.
2. Appreciate The Offer, But Say That Currently, It Is Not Possible For You To Do It And You Would Love To Do It At Some Other Time Later
If your close friend invites you to his/her farmhouse over the weekend, but you are too busy to make it, then you can say
“Thank you very much for inviting me, but I am occupied with work this month. Would love to visit it sometime later.”
Let us consider another scenario. Your boss assigns you an extra (new) task and wants you to finish it by a deadline, but you know that it will not be possible to complete the new task as your previous two tasks are already there with close deadlines.
In such a scenario, you can ask for some extra time for finishing that extra task. You may explain to your boss that you are willing to work on the new task but since your previous two tasks are there with close deadlines, you may be able to take up the new task as soon as the previous two are over. Or you may offer to finish the new task first and ask for an extension on the deadline of the previous two. Or simply ask him to prioritize them for you.
3. Be Assertive, Courteous, And Firm
Don’t get manipulated by someone. If you have said NO to something after thinking judiciously over it then stick to your decision, no matter how much the other person tries to manipulate you.
4. Buy More Time When You Are In A Difficult Situation (Instead Of Saying Yes)
If you are caught up in a situation where there is a lot of pressure on you to say ‘yes’ but you don’t want to, then instead of giving up and saying ‘yes’ half-heartedly which you are bound to regret later, ask for some time to get back with an answer. Then, maybe later, the pressure will ease and then you may say NO.
5. Offer Something Less
When you are genuinely interested in something but can’t say yes due to certain restrictions of time, money, etc. then instead of denying it, you may offer to do something less than what was asked for.
For instance, if someone has asked for the contribution of a certain amount from you for a genuine social cause that you care about but are not in a situation to contribute that amount, you may offer to contribute something less than that.
6. Plan and Prioritize
Clearly define your life goals and always prepare a detailed plan for your activities on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis so that you clearly know how much of your time is required for these tasks. Then, assign a priority to all the tasks that are in your plan. So that whenever a new thing is being asked for, you are aware of your existing time commitments. You may then analyze the new thing based on the questions like the following.
Does that thing align with your goal?
Do you want to do that?
Is your goal flexible to some extent to accommodate that new thing (If you like it)?
Will it be worth compromising your pre-planned personal or professional activities? Etc.
Caveat: Be careful while saying NO to your Boss or to someone very close to you and you know S/he might not be accustomed to listening to a NO. Always analyze the consequences of saying NO to them.
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