I’m my own worst enemy.

Apostle Mengoulis
Jul 25, 2017 · 3 min read

Thursday night; I was chilling on my couch watching bullshit and chatting with friends. My mood was pretty good.

I was trying to find what kind of story I should write for today.

It was then, when I received a text: “Chester committed suicide”. Sadly, I then had something to write about.

I’ve already accepted that I’m in the age that I will start watching my heroes die, and it wasn’t something easy to accept. But this is different; This isn’t another rockstar in his 60s dying of a heart failure, after 40 years of monstrous partying.

Chester Bennington was the second man, in a timeframe of a month that tied a knot and took his own life.

The reason I decided to write something about it, is because Chester helped me face my demons in more than one occasion. He helped me more than I could help myself.

The reason I decided to write about it, is that I’ve never talked openly about it. My parents never knew- and I guess I have the courage to write about it because they don’t know how to read English.

I suffered from heavy depression for a long 3 years, meaning that for 3 years I couldn’t do anything about it. In the beginning, I couldn’t even recognize it, and after I was afraid to admit it.

My life went to shit. I’ve become numb and felt trapped inside things that made me unhappy. It took more than 2 years of intense therapy and another 2 years of self-help in order to get back to feet.

Don’t get me wrong; I don’t claim that I’m cured. Depression never really goes away — it’s an endless struggle. I rise from, and go back to bed every day fighting it.

A new car or phone will not make it easier. Neither a huge salary.

In fact, money makes it worse in some occassions. No matter how much stuff we buy, you can’t fill that kind of hole with materials or drugs.

Chester Bennington was a great man that helped and inspired millions of young people to overcome their trouble; small or big. He partially helped me to put my own beast to sleep, and I can’t be more thankful for that.

I can’t be more thankful for anyone that believed in me when I couldn’t and for anyone that gave me a chance when I wouldn’t.

I’m not gonna get into statistics about how many young people suffer from depression. I’m not gonna get into what brought Chester to that point, or what you could do if you suffer from it either.

Whenever you feel that something’s off, talk about it with a friend. Rather with an honest friend, than someone to pat your head.

If you believe that you don’t have a person like that in your life just text me for starters, and if you think you need therapy don’t think about it twice — just do it already.

There’s no reason to be ashamed; Depression doesn’t discriminate the poor from the rich, nor the unknown from the famous.

If any of these issues have affected you, please don’t suffer in silence. Call Samaritans on their free 24-hour hotline on 116 123 (UK).

I’m going to close this with some something that Chester left for us:

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed.
And don’t resent me
And when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest

Chester Bennington, you’ll be awfully missed. Thank you for helping an entire generation understand that we’re not alone in this :)

Apostle Mengoulis

Written by

Avid storyteller & Music producer with a marketing fetish. Always on the run to start a revolution. Sleep is for the weak. ✌

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