How to Crawl Out of a Hole
Step 1: Wake up.
The internet surfing feels like an escape from the hole. It takes your mind away from your reality and lets you ease out of thinking, your mind just slipping from one flickering image to another, never resting long enough to become aware of itself.
This feels like a relief, but you’re still in the hole. You need to be aware of the hole to get out of the hole. So put down your phone.
Step 2: Start moving your body.
At first, just move it off the couch. Yes, you’ve had another day of applying for jobs that you don’t even want and wondering who you are and why you’re here, in his apartment, where he doesn’t want you and you don’t belong. That doesn’t mean you ‘need’ to unwind on the couch with five hours of mindless numbing internet surfing. You need to move to climb out of the hole.
Step 3: Get stronger
You will need to be strong to climb all the way out, and not slip back down half way. Start small. A few squats in the morning. A few power poses with a stern “fuck you” to that voice that mocks you from the mirror, practised every day. One moment of eye contact held long enough for him to know for a moment that you’re also human — resist the reflex to hide.
