As a woman who is soon to begin the divorce process, I feel like this is a broad generalisation. I agree that the Business of heterosexual marriage and divorce is extremely lucrative and often favours the woman’s side, and it’s heartbreaking when children are involved, but each individual still gets to make decisions, and if there was any genuine respect for each other during the marriage then divorce will be relatively painless. I may have a skewed view of this issue being Australian, it’s not common to involve lawyers in most divorces, in fact you don’t even need to show up to court. Things get very complicated when children are involved and my heart breaks for fathers who have a genuine interest in raising their kids jointly but the mother makes it hard out of spite, also some men do the same thing. Unfortunately children become weapons in messy divorces. That aside, divorce alone won’t see Australian men couch surfing, Australian women are pretty independent and divorce is a way to move on, not to punish. (Look at all my broad generalisations!).
I am lucky that my husband truly wants me to be happy, and I want him to be happy too. We check in on each other frequently, and grab lunch or coffee occasionally. I actually help him out financially where ever I can, unfortunately I couldn’t take our two dogs with me when I moved out so he is the primary caregiver so I’m thankful and I compensate him when possible.
My doctor said something to me during the first weeks of my break-up that will stay with me forever. I said “You shouldn’t be allowed to marry, especially when you’re under 25” and he responded with “Marriage is fine, but people marry for the wrong reasons. Marrying for love is naive, only a marriage that is built on liking each other will last.” and I more or less agree. I also think our cultural lust for marriage is disgraceful, and having been married for the past 8 years I can say for certain I don’t believe in it. It served a purpose a very long time ago, but today it’s empty and is simply a cold industry stalked by money hungry vultures.
Thank you for writing this, I enjoyed reading it.