The one who ruined me
I’m writing this from a cab cause they really hold a special spot in my life. As I chew on my fingers having the scent which is making me write this, I’ll tell you how it happened.
No I’m not a sappy teen experiencing this warm fuzzy feeling for the first time, certainly not. Not long ago I had declared myself grown enough to be over this feeling for good. But then despite my rampant aversion to romance something managed to pervade me.
It was a she.
I was never smitten by her, never fell head over heels the time I saw her first, never talked much, never made eye contact, never even thought about her. It wasn’t some animal magnetism like allure she had which drew me towards her; it was something much more. Something she had and I thought I’ve lost for good, the belief in people and more importantly a thorough belief in myself.
Rarely someone comes along in your life who will give you the energy to do things you thought you’ll never be able to do again, the energy and courage to get up and put your trust in somebody else. For me, it’ll never be about the money or effort, but the time I invest in someone. And she makes me feel short of time to give to her. I’d happily give it all to her just to see her smile and then look at her. That’s the sorta effect she’s had on me.
Whatever we have is challenging on so many levels and on a macro level is pretty daunting. But I’ll never bring percentages into this cause then I’ll probably kill the best thing to have happened to me in recent memory.
I can’t do dating anymore, I can’t think about multiple women anymore, I don’t get. any real joy from attention from random strangers nor do I have the grit to scrutinise my outfit and body every time I go out on a date. And I sure as hell don’t mend my hair every time I send out a snapchat selfie to her; because I truly have a cushion to fall back on and I don’t want anything else cause it’s a bloody comfortable one.
Here you go..truly ruined and I wouldn’t have it any other way.