I think
I must be 
one of the lucky ones


does not being raped
mean that we survive

did that boy also feel
my panic and mortification
when he shoved his hand down my skirt
right there on the dance floor
on teen night at the club?

did those guys
know what it’s like
to feel powerless
in voicing “no”
when things happen that you didn’t intend?

my brain,
and maybe others’ too,
excels at filing away
hurt and shame

perhaps it’s protecting
my heart

I don’t know
what saddens me more
that it happened
or that I learned to forget

must it always be this way?

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