The search for all I lost.

I am not sure where to start with this. I always wanted to do a blog. I used to dream about being a writer, but life happened and I let fear stop me. I felt like I really needed something to say if I am going to do a blog, so here I go.

I was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer on November 21, 2013. It freaking sucked. I was 39 at the time and I have a wonderful husband and two awesome kids. I would like to say I kicked Cancer’s butt, but in truth it almost knocked me out. There is no way to truly prepare for the ramifications that come with having cancer. It affects everything, your job, your family, your friendships,how you look at yourself, and your freaking mental health.

NO ONE told me that it could destroy your life. I lost friends, I almost lost family, I lost my job, I lost parts of me that made me feel like a woman, and I pretty much lost my mind for about a year. Mental health is the one thing no one likes to talk about. I think there should be a psychologist in every oncologist office. I think you should talk to them every time you go in for chemo treatment. I mean think about it, you are voluntarily putting toxins in your body. You are killing good cells to get to the bad cells. I had allergic reactions to everything that they gave me. I lived on Benadryl and steroids for 6 months.

Now I am a 3 year survivor as of today but I am sitting here facing the possibility that it is back. I was always told they would watch me like a hawk because it is aggressive. The ultrasound shows area to be very concern and now I have to have a breast MRI. I hate cancer. I hate feeling like my life is forever in limbo waiting for the next diagnose.

Stay strong, whoever reads this. Know that you are not alone. Seek help if you feel overwhelmed. Please don’t feel afraid to reach out to someone.