The North Brooklyn real estate shit show a.k.a. are you kidding me though? 5/14/15

Bye bye Bazaar. Sad news, y’all: no more Brooklyn Night Bazaar. They have until the end of the month at their 165 Banker location. In the realm of cool Brooklyn shit closing down, this one hits a little too close to home for me. Actually, it hits right next door. I live, literally, next door to the Bazaar. And I kinda liked it. I mean, they put on some good shows once in a while and it’s always been free with food and drinks and videogames and local vendors and it was always over by 1am, which, for a grumpy old neighbor like me, was awesome. I even went down in my pajamas one night, had a glass of wine, checked out the band, and went back to bed. Kudos!

When the former warehouse tenant, the sweetly-smelling Angel’s Bakery, was on their way out, I was nervous something wild and crazy would move in, ya know, a loud, obnoxious nightclub or some kind of douchebag greenhouse, which seems to be a trend in the neighborhood (Berry Park, Northeast Kingdom). But when the Bazaar opened with very little disturbance to me and my neighbors, I finally relaxed.

But now BMW is taking the space LOLZ WTF TTYL! Yes, Bayerische Motoren Werke, one of the top 10 automobile manufacturers in the world, is moving onto my desolate, industrial block in North Brooklyn. Who knows what the hell that’s going to look like… WWBMWD?

Is it going to be a showroom or something else entirely? The BMW Experience perhaps? The BMW Night Bazar? Sorry, too soon? Oh, maybe it’ll be a museum with a bunch of classic beemers under spotlights spread throughout the warehouse? A BMW theme park would be cool, I think? I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough. But if BMW is paying 10 times the rent as the Bazaar, they’ll probably want to sell cars there ya know? And I wouldn’t call the warehouse exactly BMW showroom ready… I suppose I’m looking at 6–10 months of demolition and construction next door? 10 months of jackhammering so folks from The Edge and the imminent Greenpoint Landing can come to my block and buy $85,000 automobiles. Sure, I mean, I guess there’s a market here for that? These newbies need cars! How else are they gonna get around town? They sure as hell can’t take the L train!

DNAinfo reported a BMW spokeswoman saying, “There are no plans to use the building for either retail or corporate purposes from our side. We are still in the planning stages at this time.”


Planning stages, you say? Maybe planning how to sell expensive cars to all the new, rich Williamsburg residents… Mmm-hmmmmm…

Here’s the take-away re this particular shit show: a commercial bakery warehouse in operation for decades gets the boot for a community-supported hipster flea market who gets the boot for a BMW non-dealership, all in the span of three years. And now the warehouse owner is reportedly receiving 10 times the rent from BMW as he was from the Bazaar. Dear landlord, in order to count all that money you’re gonna have to stop popping bottles for a moment.

Citi$torage $ite $ells. Ok so the 11-acre site of the 7-alarm fire on the Williamsburg waterfront is selling for a bazilion dollars. Or maybe just, like, 300 million dollars? (If you write it out, it looks like this: $300,000,000.00, FYI.) No one wants to say the number out loud because it’s a stupid, embarrassing amount of money for what is basically the last great piece of waterfront in the neighborhood and not to mention the area where the community was promised the city would maybe, kinda, sorta, probably build a park? It does feel a little like Global Warming, like we’re too late, but there is a rally for the park on Saturday, maybe we can get just a little bit of the parkland we were promised with the extremely lucrative 600,000 sq.ft. of office and commercial space these super developers are allowed to build on the site. Fingers crossed! Though It seems the city has abandoned its plans to build a park, claiming lack of funds. And Norman Brodsky, the owner of the land? I mean, he seems like a nice guy, but I don’t know anyone nice enough to turn down 300 million bucks in favor of some maple trees and good, clean sod.

There isn’t really much else happening in the Williamsburg Real Estate Shit Show… unless of course you count the Starbucks opening up in Ridgewood, right off the Myrtle-Wyckoff L/M station… ya know, if you’re into that sort of thing.

To Be Continued…

Originally published at on May 14, 2015.

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