How Many People Am I?
Have you ever experienced the extremes of yourself? Have you ever undone every trait within you, no matter how brash, no matter how cowardly?
Lately, I have been finding myself in situations in which I become someone I didn’t know I was. I feel unhinged. I am aiming for weightless. It’s thrilling and maddening at the same time; the strength, the will, the opportunity to do as you wish. When I look back at my years, I see a person unaware of herself. Today, I am still unaware. I am a little newer every day. It’s almost terrifying. Terrifying, because every day the new me leaves behind a part of me; almost, because it feels right.
Most of all, I marvel at the new-found boldness within me, and then some selfishness, some diplomacy, some love, some adultery, some kindness and some insensitivity. Oh, and then all these at the two extremes; not at all and all of that. Imagine yourself on both sides of a see-saw. I won’t lie, it is confusing and I judge myself at times. But it’s all me. Every bit of it. Again, I won’t lie, it is overwhelming to discover every bit of oneself.
But amid all the marvel, the one thing I worry about is the insensitivity, the not at all end of it. I worry that it will harp on me, make me lose sense of right and wrong, moral and immoral, love and lust. That’s one trait I would want to remain balanced in me, just enough to give me guiltless happiness.
I haven’t kept a count or I would have told you how many people I think I am, yet. If you begin to discover a new people within you, (don’t worry, it’s not creepy!) say my hello to them, and remember, the new person is still all you.