Aputazie Sylvia
Nov 5 · 2 min read

I DID IT AGAIN

I did it again!

I said I wouldn’t.

I said I’d try to stop.

I did it again!

Not once, but twice.

Was I warned? Yes

Did I fear that I would I do it? Yes

Did I see the signs? Yes?
I thought I could hold myself.

Now I feel bad.

I am devastated.

Why do I always fall back into this bad habit?

This disgusting habit I promise not to do.

I can't count all the negative effects I've experienced because of it.

All the opportunities I’ve lost due to it.

The anxiety and fear I get because of it.

The time I’ve lost because of it.

It takes away my peace.

____

Can someone hold me accountable?

Can anyone help me be better?

I've tried sourcing for help,

I have spoken to a few people about it.

Gotten pieces of advice once in a while.

I've read it books about it.

Set alarms and measures for precaution.

It works sometimes.

Because all days aren’t like that.

Some days are better than others.

Some days I don't fall into it its snare.

Sometimes I feel I've conquered it.

In those days I smile,

I walk with my shoulders raised.

I walk with a spring in my every step.

I speak with so much enthusiasm and laugh with so much joy.

So much so that it makes those around me wonder

"Is all well with Sylvia?".

I pat myself on the back those days.

" You've dealt with it girl, now keep doing exactly what you're doing and you'll never fall into it again".

But then...

My joy is short-lived.

Just like a weakened malaria parasite that regains strength after a patient refrains from consuming his medication, it springs back to life again.

And just like a parable in the The Holy Bible;

When the unclean spirit has gone out of a man,

It roams through arid places in search of rest, but it does not find any.

Then it says, 'I will go back to my house from which I came out'.

And when it arrives, it finds the place unoccupied, swept, put in order, and decorated.

Then, it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and make their home there.

And the last condition of that man becomes worse than the first.

The last condition of that man becomes worse than the first!

Dear Friend,
I’m scared.

Will it be the end of me?

_____

    Aputazie Sylvia

    Written by

    Medical Student || A Serial Entrepreneur|| A Life Enthusiast