Sunday’s sermon (17/4/2016)
To share the context, I was extremely emotional before the sermon started. Because I was stretched thin by work, by church and my dismal spiritual life, by Joshua, by EVERYTHING. I simply didn’t have the capacity to anything remotely effortful. The sermon was about David’s betrayal by his son, Absalom. Amidst the afflictions, David says, ‘If he is cursing because the LORD said to him, ‘Curse David,’ who can ask, ‘Why do you do this?’’. Which I related to on some levels. Anyway, pastor John called us to remember that God provides relief in our situation which is not necessarily the kind of relief we might have in mind. Ergo, we may ‘reject’ what God gives us. We may brush off small things like a friend looking to spend time etc. Anyway, I momentarily needed it very badly. Because as Sylvia Plath says it, ‘… moving dully along in the middle of the surrounding hullabaloo.’. I felt entirely helpless to my situations and I didn’t know how to surrender it to God. I wasn’t thinking, but I’ll feel this entire weight on my chest, y’know? But yeah, it was such a vital reminder for me to carry into the new week. My issues have yet to be settled but yesterday, I suddenly felt extremely indignant @ my situation with Joshua. I was mad that I allowed myself to get emotionally inflicted even though I tried as best as I could to deal with the situation as respectfully as I could. I then decided that I REFUSED to be upset anymore. I couldn’t do more than I already did and that God would do the rest. I mean, the occasional feeling creeps up but REMINDER!! FROM SUNDAY’S SERMON!!! Felt better afterwards. There are still other stuff but y’knowwwwwwwwwww. I guess the large take away I get from all these sharing, sermon etc was that God understands. God sees and unlike fellow humans, I didn’t have to defend or try to prove my case. George Owell says, ‘Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood.’.