Love in the workplace… A reflection on and a Dear John to employers I’ve loved

I generally agree with DHH when he says The company isn’t a family, but should be a collection of people that are courteous, kind, and even protective. Though, not familial-style love, I do believe that “the company” can be a place where Love can thrive however.

I’m not talking about romantic-style puppy love, or gang-style blood-in-blood-out love, or even blood-relation style unconditional love…
I’m talking about the kind of love where you feel accountable to the person next to you, and they feel accountable to you.
I’m talking about the kind of love that makes you feel pain when they are in pain… and while both sides know this, neither takes advantage of it.
I’m talking about the kind of love that you wouldn’t give a second thought to going the extra mile for those around you, but they wouldn’t want you to.

Love and Tribes…

Have you ever walked into a conference or a meetup and just had a feeling hit you that inspired the thought… “Damn, these are my people”?
Have you ever felt like you were a part bigger than yourself?
Have you ever just felt the gravity or magnetism of a group of individuals coming together under a shared belief for a common cause?
Have you ever been around those that just seem to “get you” and your kind of weird, and you theirs?

That feeling… that is the feeling of you being a part of a tribe.

A job is a thing you do because you have to…
A co-worker is a person you are paid to interact with…

However, a tribe is a collection of individuals, brought together by a clear and common goal, and with an unapologetically distinct common set of beliefs, led by servant leaders whose primary objectives are to cultivate enough safety, trust, and clarity necessary to be considered a home for those in a tribe.

What’s the difference?

The difference is feeling an obligation to the mission and knowing you will be taken care versus feeling an obligation to the paycheck and hope that you do enough to keep it coming…
The difference is, when you miss a goal; worrying most about what the boss thinks versus worrying most about the impact on the mission…
The difference is when you walk through the door or sign-on for the day, you separate the “real you” from the job versus knowing that the people around you thrive on and embrace you and your rough edges.

This love and feeling of being in a tribe… it is not a given… it is actually incredibly difficult to both create and maintain. Every organization that I transition from, my process of reflecting on the experience is dedicating a song and writing a letter (only for myself… I’ve never shared one before). Only twice during my reflections have I felt like I was a member of a tribe that I truly loved. To put into context, I’ve been a part of 13 groups… 11 were either “Jobs with Co-workers” or “Jobs with in-spite-of-the-cutlure-tribes”… 2 have been “a Home for a Tribe”.

It is rare because it is about every action. Every action being first considered through the lens of the mission and values. The mission and values have to be equally worthy of everyones, especially the highest and the lowest levels of an organization, belief. It is rare… but it is worth it.

Dear John

The following Dear John letter is to the most recent “Home for a Tribe” that I was lucky enough to experience… my hope is that you will see what an organization that has done the right things, looks like from the perspective of an employee… and by seeing it, I hope we all strive to foster these type of conditions more frequently.

(edit) I recently moved the letter… I’m still linking to it, but I wanted any future Dear John letters I write to all live in their own posts. So, again, the Dear John letter I wrote to Formstack (an organization that I truly love)is here if you’d like to read it.