Home to House — Broken Windows

Greetings Dear Reader,

I am trying so hard to keep out the pain and loss. It is not working. I cannot close off the windows that let me see out but protect me from the feelings as they are broken instead of open. Part one of the last big push is today.

I am weary both physically and emotionally. Although I am determined to do this in faith I am completely exhausted from battling the situation. I find no peace in my pain. I find no solace even in the sure knowledge that God knows what he is doing even when I do not.

There is no experience in my history of solitude working well for me. That does not mean it cannot. It does mean that I move on without the hope that experience would provide. I can tell I am getting thread bare when I try to organize things. This is the hardest trial of my willingness to walk in faith I have had in some time.

I will not run after things that glitter or offer false hope. I will seek Christ and allow him to carry me when necessary. My pain and fear must not rule any of my responses. My faith must rule them all.

It’s just another day in paradise

As you stumble to your bed

You’d give anything to silence

Those voices ringing in your head

You thought you could find happiness

Just over that green hill

You thought you would be satisfied

We are like sheep without a shepherd

We don’t know how to be alone

So we wander ‘round this desert

And wind up following the wrong gods home

But the flock cries out for another

And they keep answering that bell

And one more starry-eyed messiah

Meets a violent farewell-

Now the flowers in your garden

They don’t smell so sweet

The heaven lying at your feet

There are so many contradictions

In all these messages we send

How do I get out of here?

Though the world is torn and shaken

Even if your heart is breakin’

It’s waiting for you to awaken

Wishing you joy in the journey,

Mat 13:52 So Jesus said to them, “That is why every writer who has become a disciple of Christ’s rule of the universe is like a home owner. He liberally hands out new and old things from his great treasure store.”

Originally published at aramisthorn.blogspot.com on August 19, 2015.