“Mah ngundang temen 12 orang kebanyakan gak.”
“Temen kamu cuman 12 gak sih kalo mama gak salah.”
“Yaelah mamaaaa.”
Hari ini ada yang seneng!!! Iya, gue, Mingyu. Udah gede loh ya sebenernya malu pake acara-acara begini mana mama ngide banget dipakein balon, tapi kalo kata mama “Ya gakpapa, gak ada batasan usia buat rayain ulang tahun mau pake balon kek barongsai kek bebas” gue nurut aja.
Gue lagi asik bantuin mama nata makanan eh ada yang ngetok pintu “TOK TOK TOK SAMLEKUM MINGYU BUKAIN PINTU CEPET APA KITA DOBRAK!!!! MINGYUUUUU MINGYUU WOI MINGYU MAIN YUK” hedeh.
Seneng deh gue bisa kumpul begini, jarang banget bisa lengkap mengingat sekarang abang-abang udah pada kerja, ada yang kuliah juga maba dan semester tua kaya gue, kita asik makan tuh sambil cerita-cerita kehidupan yang konyol ini.
“Gak pada balik lu emang?”
“Yeh lu liat aja noh ujan gluduk gluduk mau lu kita disamber gledek”
“Kaga kan maksud gue lu pada ke sini naik transpot…”
“Lah siapa bilang?”
“HAH LU PADA JALAN KAKI SEMUA!!”
“IYALAH!!!!!”
Selalu begini, kalau ada yang lagi ulang tahun mereka gak pernah bawa kendaraan masing-masing, ujung-ujungnya bakal begadangan dan nginep tidur jejeran depan tv ya Allah mak gue pasti membatin.
“Btw nih kaga ngasih kado apa-apa gue liat”
Kali ini yang jawab gue cuman Hoshi, yang lain pada asik sendiri, ada yang asik mainin ikan lohan gue LOH “WOI JGN DIMAININ TAR MATI” ada yang asik ngajak kucing gue salto “buseeeet mabok juga kucing gue” ada yang nyebat, nonton, nugas, dan ada juga yang udah molor.
“Tuh gyu, kadonya di ruang tamu, gue gabung sama yang lain yah, jan lupa nyusul lu.”
Gue agak meringis sih, ni 12 orang ada yang udah kerja ada yang anak bos batu bara ada yang nasabah prioritas bca kok ngado gue kotak sebiji doang ya, mana kecil lagi buset gedean pala ikan lohan gue.
Gue duduk deh di kursi ruang tamu, sebelum buka ni kotak gue mandangin temen-temen eh kenapa jadi sedih begini ya, gue kenal mereka udah 8 tahunan dan masih bareng sampe sekarang tuh mukjizat banget sih, kita sering kok berantem, gue juga sering bikin salah tapi kenapa ya pada mau aja nemenin gue sampe sekarang, dari yang gue putus cinta sampe gak mau makan, inget banget dulu pintu kamar gue didobrak bang Seungcheol sampe ganggang pintunya copot buat disuruh makan katanya gue gaboleh tolol. Terus juga sekarang gue stress banget skripsian ditawarin joki sih sama Minghao astaghfirullah gue tempeleng juga ini orang.
Selama-lamanya gue sama mereka pasti bakal tetep takut ya, takut ditinggal, takut sendirian. Mau kaya gimanapun juga bakal ilang gak si, perkara waktunya aja yang belum tau.
Ah gasuka deh gue tiap ulang tahun pasti begini, pasti selalu bertanya-tanya lu pada bakal ninggalin gue gak ya, gue berusaha ngubur pikiran itu jauh-jauh karna gue sadar, jahat aja kayaknya kalo gue mikir begitu di saat mereka semua lagi ngeluangin waktu berharganya buat gue.
Asik ngelamun gue baru inget di paha gue sekarang ada kotak kecil, gue takut isinya permen deh secara mereka gk ada yg bener isi kepalanya, apa serangga gitu astaghfirullah gak mungkin lah ya. Tapi pas gue buka, oh vigura? Iya vigura, foto kita ber-13 dengan gue yang membelakangi kamera, oh ada kertas juga…
“…we only have each other, Gyu. we’re not going anywhere.”
Hi Mingyu, it’s your 12 kiddos.
The first time we spoke to you, we spoke of silence so deep, it made sense to be alone. a year later, we are sitting on the front steps of your home again. The sky is dusky gold, and there is silence but not the same silence as last time because there’s no such thing.
Mingyu, it took us some time for these words to come, we admit. The greatness of words is such a thrilling thing to run after all. it is a writer’s dream to make words that make sense, to have words that resonate, and to have deeply meaningful words. Even as we write this, we read every word we do and we think to ourselves, something is missing. And because every word feels the same way, we end with a hundred drafts but never a word read and never a word spoken. we’re sorry, Gyu.
For some of us, the easiest way of explaining things and explaining why we search for this “greatness” is because we live in a world that only shows us great things. Every writer we know is a master of words. Every artist holds a masterpiece. Every person we know has achieved this deep sense of potential and understanding of their being that we can only try to run after.
It seems like everyone knows what they want, what they want to have, and what they’ll be doing next. It is only you and us who find ourselves at a loss, repeating every day as the day we did before and praying, hoping, the next one is different. We hope we wake up one day where we are great, where we have understood ourselves, where we’ve finally read every book we’ve wanted to and we are capable of running a conversation that can be quoted on when we’re long gone. We hope there is some meaning in what we do, some meaning in everything we’ve lost and we haven’t lived our lives this far after all, only to have it hold no meaning at the end.
Because after all, what is a life worth living if there isn’t anything at the end to prove that we existed? why would we want to be forgotten, Gyu? When we have lived for so long and done our best? Why would we not want to be understood? So we stand here, and you stand with us, and we look at each other and repeat our names to each other, hoping we make sense to each other until the end.
Why must every moment be great, Gyu? We only have each other. We’re not going anywhere.
