New York City is a big place. Lots of people, lots of things, lots of love, lots of hate, but very few public restroom, which isn’t really about you, it just sucks for me because I poop 23393 times a day.

Before I get into this, I want to say first and foremost, that people do actually care about you. There are very few people on this planet that NOBODY cares about, so stop telling yourself that. Here are the primary reasons why you feel like no one cares about you.

1. You like a girl/guy who doesn’t like you back

This is the most common one for guys. Most guys, myself included, get into these depressed states when we can’t get the girl that we think we could have. There’s always this notion of “If I was just a little cooler/richer/better looking/bigger penis/etc. then I could get her.” well let me tell you something: You’re wrong. People don’t change they’re mind about who they’re suddenly going to be attracted to. I promise you that at some point, a girl/guy has liked you and you blew them off, the whole while they were trying to convince YOU to go out with them. My saying has always been this: Boys chase girls who don’t like them because they’re chasing boys who don’t like them. Not getting the person you want makes you feel like no one cares about you because you’re spending all your time focusing on THE ONE PERSON who doesn’t care about you, and if you make that person the center of your life, and they don’t much care, then of course you’re going to feel it. Trust me, I’ve been pretty much in love with the same girl for about a year and we’ll never be together, it’s been established many times, and yeah, I go back and forth between being really depressed over it and not caring at all. Right now in this moment, it’s the latter of the two, which is nice, because being sad sucks. Moving on is you’re best bet.

2. You have shitty friends.

YOUR FRIENDS ARE SHITTTTTTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. This is extremely common in the lives of depressed individuals. Here’s the deal; most people are selfish, and it shows. I take friendship very seriously which is why I don’t call many people my friend. A friend is someone who I’d do anything for, someone who means more to me than I do to myself. I love my friends, and unfortunately, almost all of mine are far away, but that’s okay. Odds are, if you’re in the “no one care about me” phase of life, than you look at friendship the same way I do, the problem is that most people don’t. So where does that leave you? It leaves you in a position of constantly giving your all to the people you can’t help but care about and in return watching them not reciprocate that same sort of appreciation, i.e. it looks like they don’t care. I understand this all too well because I don’t fit in here in NYC, and I don’t fit in with any of my friends here. I’m an emotional guy, I’ve been through a lot in my life, and I need someone to be able to talk about serious things with or I don’t feel whole as a person, and trust me, none of my friends out here want to have that conversation with me, and it’s hard sometimes. This does not mean my friends don’t care about me, it just means they see things differently than I do. I don’t have the luxury of going out to bars every weekend because my parents don’t support me. I love my friends, I wouldn’t consider them shitty, because if I push hard enough, I can get them to emote with me on occasion, but if you’re finding yourself in constant neglect from the people you so choose to be close with, then yes, it would make perfect sense to feel as if no one cares about you, so here’s what you do…

3. You aren’t productive in your alone time.

You need to use your alone time to your advantage, especially if you’re feeling down. If the girl doesn’t like you, and your taking time away from your friends to see if they care enough to text you, you’re going to have some alone time and it’s key that you do something productive. YOU NEED TO FIND YOURSELF. I saved this for last because I wanted all this to come full circle. Girls and friends are phases in your life. they come and go. It’s sad, but they do, but you can never get rid of yourself. Alone time is a good thing. How can you expect someone to love and care deeply about you if you don’t love yourself? Read more, write more, draw something, get some tattoos, just do something that YOU enjoy and do it alone. Go for a walk for fucks sake. take some time to breathe and evaluate your situation. That is the only way you will find clarity. You need to be asking yourself “Why do I feel this way?” A LOT MORE OFTEN! Otherwise, how can you solve this problem if you aren’t even asking the question?

The odds are that if you are reading this then you are at a cross road in your life and you aren’t sure if the people around you are worth keeping around you, i.e. you feel like no one cares about you. Here is my final piece of advice to you. If someone does not care about you, then you are too good to be in that persons life; you are too good for them. You have a lot going for you I swear, you just need to work on yourself. And if you can learn to care about yourself, how can you say nobody cares? Because you are the most important person in your life, and whether you’re fat, tall, skinny, black, white, green, pink, or have two noses, I promise, you’ll always matter so someone, and if anything, you’ll always matter to me, I can guarantee that.

-Archer Brady: New York City: 2014