I’m going to bed. And all the stream of consciousness I used to read so long ago. However will need to be like them? are you? You don’t hear me properly. what do you think I mean when I say that I want purpose? what do you think I mean when I say I’m scared of the wave that is crashing down around me?
I have been listening for you for months. I have tried to hear what you want me to do. can you come to me in a dream? Can you make it crystal clear? why are you silent?
Everytime I try to find joy or distract myself from the situation I end up feeling guilty. why is this necessary? I can’t watch television. I can’t listen to music. I can’t paint. I can’t even masturbate without feeling that I am betraying a purpose I don’t know I have.
I spend my life asking questions and I fear that I simply don’t like the answers that I hear. Forgive me?
Are you with me? are you here? Can I feel you? please!
