Of Carpet Cleaning and Anxiety
Carpet cleaning has never been one of my favourite chores. In fact, out of all my chores, I’ve always hated carpet cleaning the most. It’s not because it’s annoying or boring. It’s not even because it takes so much time. I’ve always hated carpet cleaning for one reason only — it makes me anxious. Until the very end, I never know if I’m going to be successful or not. And this process gets way too real for me, because it reminds this is how things work in life, as well. Until the very end, until I reach my goals, I never know if I’m going to succeed or fail. This thought drives me insane because it makes me question myself sometimes.
This is how it works, isn’t it? You can see the problem, you can try to solve it, but you do not always succeed. However, you can’t know until you try. It’s like a twisted quantum mechanics experiment entangled with real-life ramifications, designed with the specific purpose to give you anxiety issues. Or is it just me? Luckily, these days we can outsource just about anything boring and mundane so we can avoid at least some of the anxiety. Carpet cleaning is no exception, so I get it done easily. However, some of my problems can’t be solved that easily.
The truth is, the more I focus on what matters in my life, the more difficult it seems to get. I no longer bother with the mundane (too busy for that, anyway), so I focus on my writing and my drawing, which takes a huge portion of my time, but just like with carpet cleaning, I don’t know if the results of what I’m doing are going to be positive or not. Even with this post I’m just blowing off some steam, because I can feel the anxiety building up again.