We need to change the way we measure success

There is something fundamentally wrong with how our society qualifies, quantifies and more importantly, values success.

A friend once told me that his idea of a perfect job interview would entail handing over two CVs. One with your standard work experience, education and all the over-exaggerations and volunteering from when you were 9 years old that paint you as the overachieving success-story-genius-child you wish you were (we’ve all been there, don’t lie). And then the other.

A one-pager on your character traits. What makes you, you. And most importantly, why? Why did you make the choices you’ve made? The risks you’ve taken? What experiences have made you who are you today. What do you regret? What do you value in yourself, in others?

You’re probably thinking, “OK, that’s what a cover letter is for”. But is it really? Are you really going to hand over a 2-page letter describing in all honesty the ups and downs of your life thus far? The ins and outs of your character: flaws and all? What makes you excited, angry, or sad? And will a potential employer value said letter for its insightfulness and honesty? Highly doubtful. Do we really live in a society that values failure, or more importantly, overcoming it? No.

And that’s because there is something fundamentally wrong with how our society qualifies, quantifies and more importantly, values success.

Prevalently, success is measured in achievements that are, for the most part, tied to our careers. What we “do”. The over-valuing of work place achievements for example, resulting in our careers taking the front seat in the hierarchy of self-worth. And therein lies the issue.

Loving what you “do” isn’t the issue of course, nor is it finding solace in a career you enjoy. Au contraire. However, when our identities are exclusively tied to a single part of who we are, we tend to lose ourselves, our worth, to these “better versions of us”. From “could haves” to “should haves” we measure career success in “races to the top” or “top 30s under 30” lists.

In a way, these lists and pre-conditions to success generate algorithmically intentional comparison mechanism between us and those who have reached societally defined success. This, leaving us “off-listers” as the less-than successful ones (who knows I still have 5 years…).

Once again, this isn’t to diminish the top 30 under 30, but perhaps our views of success have been slightly skewed by what the media choses to report as successful. Like, what about #31. The kid who just didn’t make the cut. What about him?!

Even just looking at our social platforms: lists of achievements, engagements and highlight reels effectively making us more competitive, more jealous and ultimately more dissatisfied with our own accomplishments than the last Insta-story made us feel. But I’m not saying anything new here. And I won’t keep writing on the negative sides of social media (this time).

So maybe it isn’t the 50-billion-dollar investment or the number of start-ups we managed to sell before hitting puberty that matter here. This might sound cheesy but hear me out.

If you come from a situation of overcoming adversity you might value success in a different way to someone who grew up in a different, say, perhaps more comfortable situation. And that is ok. This isn’t necessarily to say that a steeper “climb” should be valued than a flatter one. Only that maybe the individual perception of success is what ultimately matters here. Not the lists. Not the could-haves.

Maybe success is getting up in the morning. Maybe success is paying your rent this month. Maybe success is getting a good grade on a paper you worked hard on. Maybe it’s getting your dream job. Maybe it’s a promotion. Maybe it’s a family. Maybe it’s being punctual. Maybe it’s being a better friend. Maybe it’s recognition. Maybe it’s happiness. Maybe it’s all of it. Maybe it’s none.

And maybe it’s running a trillion dollars’ company with 600,000 employees (I’m looking at you Jeff!). All these things can be qualified as successes, sometimes small sometimes big. But none should be deemed more successful than the other, because circumstantially they are most likely to be incredibly different.

In a world always trying to compare us to each other, let us be the stepping stones or the cheering crowds behind each other’s distinct, perhaps unusual, definitions of success. And let us accept that all successes can and should be measured in their own potentially dissimilar ways.

A person’s measure of success is bound to change throughout their lives given their own conditions. So, let’s not completely ignore the conditionality behind individual success, lest we forget our own self-worth.