How Much Are You Worth?

So, the other day I was listening to the radio and the topic was about Rihanna and Chris Brown. They posed the question “What image are they sending out to the public?” and felt the need to respond to them. I went onto twitter and said something along the lines of if a women goes back to a man that hits her, she is stupid. I know this is kind of blunt, but with only 140 characters, I cannot really explain my position. Some girl got mad and was like “If you have never been in the situation, you have no right to speak your mind. My mom left and she is a strong woman….” and etc. So I had to tell her that I believe that if someone is content with their situation I think they are stupid. Those who leave, are attempting to leave or are trying to leave but can’t are different. The struggle a woman faces when she is put in a situation like that is hard and I know love is a hard thing to let go. If she knows that she doesn’t belong in a situation like that, I believe she is a strong woman. Women need to love themselves and know that they never deserve to be treated like that or feel that way.

Later that day, I decided that it was time for me to confess my feeling to my crush. I kept saying I was going to do it and then chickening out. When I finally did tell him I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. Not because he had rejected me (he didn’t exactly say anything but that it wasn’t a bad thing that I liked him and that he was flattered), It was because I had rejected myself for him. I had it in my mind that I could never measure up to anyone he could ever want. How could someone so attractive and social like a quiet, nerd like me? I defeated myself.

I have posted before on my blog about my love/hate relationship with my body. I am overweight, I have had problems with this ever since I was put on a diet by my ex stepmother for no reason and I ate EVERYTHING to get back at her. I use to wear guys clothes to cover up my body. I didn’t feel pretty at all. Then I decided that I hated feeling invisible, So i wore things that I don’t even know how I owned. I was literally a walking freakshow. Jump to now: I feel pretty, I dress normal (ish), I love my personality… But I still relapse to when I didn’t. I feel self conscious about my weight or the way I look and I don’t give myself the credit I deserve.

So when I was talking about the Chris Brown and Rihanna situation and talking about how women need to love themselves, I felt a little guilty because I don’t love myself. How can I talk about someone gauging their self worth when the way I gauge my own is not ideal. I believe all women (and men) should know how much they are worth and never put themselves in a place where they feel any less than they should. I need to listen to my own advice.

In the words of RuPaul: “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an Amen up in here?”

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