the minus ones

a little something you probably didn’t know: I almost got married earlier this year.

am being serious. like, house-hunting / ring-sizing / OKCupid account-canceling serious. as you can probably tell, it didn’t work out. the love, adoration and commitment were in place, but my need for transiency and her 3-year old’s need for stability were the deciding/opposing factors in the end.

I was hurt, slighted, disappointed. I would have been a great dad! a great husband! shame on her. I never came out and said that, but it was evident. she — in tears — tried to explain it to me, but could never get it across; I simply didn’t get it. I couldn’t get it. and it took me a while to understand what it was that would never be got: it was the act of putting that little girl’s well-being above everything else.

I still don’t fully understand it all, but I suppose that’s the point.

and so — on this day where we put on pedestals she who should have never been allowed to leave them — let us also consider those who are doing this on their own. those who get migraines and still have to Mother-through. those who desperately need an hour of quiet time, but still Mother-through. those who meet someone who just wanted to take her on a lifelong adventure, but in the end, had to Mother-through.

those, who are doing this thing on their own — be it on paper or behind the veneer.

the single mothers, those who will forever ‘-through’.