Why I Write: From Childhood Novels to Tenure Track
My desire to write has been with me since childhood. I wrote my first novel at 13 or 14. I wrote it during the summer break, longhand. I used to sit and write on the veranda of our garden, protected from the sun by the grapevine leaves spreading out and around like a natural umbrella.
I finished that novel relatively quickly. Immediately after, I tore it up. The work didn’t satisfy my inner critic. Now, I wish I hadn’t done so in the same way that I wish I hadn’t thrown away all the journals I kept in that period.
I picked up journaling sometime around the same time as my first novel, perhaps earlier. I journaled almost daily throughout high school, but I stopped once I entered university. I guess living in a dorm with many people coming and going, didn’t feel like a safe space for my thoughts. I assume the question ‘What if someone finds them?’ may have crossed my mind — but I can’t be sure, I don’t have a journal to verify ;-). The habit was already lost during the intense periods of my masters (I have 2 of them) and PhD.
Since the start of my tenure track, I resumed journaling, mainly thanks to my therapy sessions. Over the past 8 months or so, I’ve been journaling as a daily practice. A practice that truly unlocked my desire to write, and the courage to share it publicly.
Over these past years, I told myself that I would write once I was more ‘established.’ For me, being established meant waiting until my academic publications were out or until I had tenure.
But life doesn’t follow a linear path. At least mine doesn’t. The publication process (in economics) is taking much longer than I initially anticipated. And tenure? It’s uncertain. It may arrive, be delayed, or not come at all. So, this summer, a quarter-century after that first novel, I returned to writing.
This time the setting was different. Instead of sitting cross-legged on the veranda, I was indoors at my home desk, inspired by a gorgeous piece of art on the wall in front of me: a print of Juci Kele’s ‘Gratitude’.
What first came out was an article about running and personal development. I had initially planned to write mostly articles that focus on my research and teaching like data handling, causal inference, machine learning, and natural language processing. Many of these articles are still in the pipeline. I will get them out eventually.
The article on running had also been on my mind for quite some time. The inspiration for it came from Dilek Süzal last December, during a coaching session. To my surprise, the piece received more attention than I had initially anticipated.
I thought I would get just a few reads and that’s it. I had published on Medium once before, anonymously, and got very little traction. But, people liked the running article and they reached out to let me know. Some on social media — many others contacted me privately.
The feedback gave me the forward momentum to publish other content that I had been holding back for a long time. Perhaps, at first, I may have been hesitant out of fear that people would not be interested, or maybe the articles — or even I — weren’t mature enough. All articles so far have been well received, and I’m glad for it.
However, during these past weeks, I’ve asked myself ‘What is it that makes me tick and share?’. Maybe it is the fact that, unlike with academic publications, I have control over the timing of my publications. My own samizdat. Perhaps, it is a need to share and connect, or help others. For example, when I post personal stories I realize that many have gone through, or are going through, a similar path. When I write about data-related topics, I find that it helps students and prospective students. Articles focused on coding and research often provide new perspectives to my peers.
As I keep posting, more and more people are reaching out to thank and encourage me. I feel like it’s me who should be grateful for those who take time from their day to read and engage with my thoughts.
Obviously, I find writing fascinating. I see how some pieces take a life of their own and sometimes develop completely differently from the paper sketches I had initially drafted. Sometimes even I don’t know what’s going to come out next. Writing is, to me, a mysterious process. But, at times, I need to censor myself so that the articles are not too long. (Let’s be honest — who really has the time to read a 15-minute-long article?)
Many say that when it comes to writing online one should focus on a niche. For me, that niche is multi-faceted. It includes my past self navigating the ups and downs of academic life, but it also extends to my current students and peers, and even friends who have gone through similar experiences. I aim to write articles that not only I wish I could have read during my academic journey but also pieces that can offer new perspectives or helpful insights to others today.
Through my writing, I’ve also found a way to better understand myself and make sense of my experiences. If my thoughts resonate with you, I am more than delighted we’re creating this bond. And if my work helps you gain similar insights or simply offers a new perspective, that is a mini victory for me. It feels like proof that my words are reaching others in meaningful ways.
So, please keep reading and engaging. If you enjoy the content, feel free to share and reach out. Your messages make me truly happy. I also welcome your thoughts and opinions and would love to hear suggestions on topics you’d like to see covered. I can’t promise I’ll write immediately about such topics, the backlog is huge, but know that they will be on my radar for future pieces.
Thank you for taking the time to read about my thoughts.
If you’d like to connect or explore more of my work, feel free to reach out at arieda.muco@gmail.com or on Twitter, Linkedin, or Instagram.
P.S. If you journal please don’t throw away any of it. It’s nice to get to know yourself through your writing. If you’re concerned about privacy, remember that journaling doesn’t have to be done on paper. You can do so on a tablet that may or may not be connected to the internet, or a computer.
Many of us fear the shame and guilt associated with our private thoughts being exposed. I think it’s important to remember that the real guilt is on those who violate that privacy. Don’t let the fear of exposure deter you from the powerful practice of journaling.
