Self-Esteem — Do you have it?

Self-esteem is the value that we place on ourselves, the perception of what we are worth and the value of ourselves that we choose to present to others.

Self-esteem or a lack of it affects every aspect of our lives…

  • Our personal relationships,

There is also a very strong connection between achievement and self-esteem, because when you have a positive self-view, you are able to take control of your life. Having self-love affects how you carry yourself, it influences the way you are received by others, and allows you to break out of your comfort zone and reach your goals.

WHY do so many women suffer from low self-esteem?

It should be noted that although we are primarily focusing on the effects that low self-esteem has on the feminine, men are affected by it too.

There are many reasons why many women suffer from low self-esteem, but here are just a few of the most significant:

  • Body image — Societal norms on what is considered acceptable in terms of attractiveness and beauty play a big role. Would you be shocked if I told you that DoSomething.org conducted a study that found 91% of women are not happy with their bodies? 91% !!! And if that wasn’t enough, 92% of teen girls say that they wish they could change something about their bodies. So not only do we allow society to shape OUR view of what is beautiful and attractive, but our young girls witness this self-hatred and adopt our insecurities. As women, we compare ourselves to each other, to someone younger, skinner, taller, with longer hair… it goes on and on. Hating our bodies also affects our romantic relationships, because we are always projecting our insecurities onto our partners.
How low self-esteem affects your relationships
  • Past trauma — We don’t like to talk about it, but some of us are carrying around a lot of painful baggage … whether it be from our early childhood or past experiences that are wrapped in shame, guilt and fear.

What are the signs of low self-esteem?

You can be physically beautiful and have low self-esteem. It is not something you measure by looking in the mirror or something you can build up by changing your looks or wearing fancy clothes. One can only look at Hollywood celebrities for confirmation of this fact. How many physically attractive people do you know that are emotionally broken and dysfunctional human beings?

There are many warning signs, but here are the most significant…

  • Do you continually choose partners that are mentally, emotionally or physically abusive. Do you also choose partners that are emotionally unavailable, over and over again. Are destructive, toxic, dysfunctional relationships your ‘normal’?
  • Do you find satisfaction in belittling others? Do you frequently put your partner or your children down … under the guise of ‘keeping it real” or “telling it like it is”? Whenever we use words to hurt another human being, it is a reflection of the hurt we are carrying inside. Love NEVER hurts, it heals.

How do you go from NO self-love to abundant self-esteem?

Because self-hatred or low self-esteem is likely imprinted into our subconscious very early in our childhood, reversing it will not happen overnight. But there are simple and effective steps you can start to take today, to make the necessary shift.

  • Start by doing something small in the morning that is not a part of your regular routine. Like making up your bed. Yes… make the bed!!! Do it with enthusiasm. Be the best damn bedmaker that ever existed.

It is truly exhausting to be miserable 24 hours a day. You cannot complain about how bad things are, how sad you are, how nothing is working for you, how heartbroken you are, and then in the middle of all that negativity expect to have some big breakthrough or aha moment where you are suddenly motivated to change.

Remember, what got you here won’t get you where you want to be… so a radical change is needed. Are you willing to do what it takes to make that change? Are you willling to feel uncomfortable? In order to change you need to do something radical and reframing your mind is where you start.

You’ve had years to perfect this self-hatred. But I promise you that if you start to practice mindfulness every single day, you will see a change. If you pay attention to the micro moments, making yourself show up and being present in your daily interactions with your family, at work, telling yourself, I am going to put a smile on that person’s face today. Or saying “today I am going to take the attention off myself and not think about how bad things are”. In that shift of focus is where you will find the gift you’ve been looking for.

The bottom line is that no matter what situation you find yourself in, you are beyond powerful. You have the power to change your situation. The change you seek starts with you and how you are showing up every day in the smaller moments of your life.

There are so many layers to this and so many different areas to consider, but identifying that there is a problem is the first step.

If any of this resonated with you and you want to go deeper but you don’t want to do it alone and want my support, feel free to reach out to me here. I would be more than happy to coach you through whatever it is you are experiencing right now.

Love.Over.Everything.

Arianna

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Arianna Mojica

Arianna Mojica

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Transformational facilitator, guiding women to connect to their inner wisdom, joy and creativity through self-mastery. www.selfmasterywitharianna.com