Scrapbooking for Murderers
An email to the students enrolled in Scrapbooking for Murderers 101 Spring 2015 class.
Attn: Scrapbooking for Murderers 101 Enrolled Students
Welcome to the Spring 2015 semester! I’m Chad, and I’ll be guiding you through this amazing form of creative expression for the next few months. This is my first year teaching Scrapbooking for Murderers, so we can work out the kinks together while we have a great semester. I had an enormous amount of requests for this class, so congrats for those who made it! We’re going to have so much FUN.
This is a beginner scrapbooking class in which we will be capturing the memories of our favorite murders. I know what you’re all thinking though: “This elective is going to be an easy GPA boost.” Not this one. You know I won’t let you get away… with slacking off! I want to really see some personality in these books. I want detailed pages documenting the times you knew something was probably wrong with you. Take me through childhood memories, like when your parents found your headless pet in the backyard. Sounds challenging, right? Get in touch with that inner demon of yours!
Intro to Knitting is scheduled immediately after our class and we want to respect their workspace, so there will be a mandatory fifteen-minute cleanup session before the end of each class.
· An album or binder
· Patterned paper
· Adhesives/adhesive removers
· A trimmer
· Scissors (YOU WILL NEED A STURDY PAIR OF SCISSORS. YOU MAY NEED TO CUT THROUGH MATERIAL TOUGHER THAN PAPER. DON’T WASTE MONEY ON A BUNCH OF CRAPPY SCISSORS. JUST GET A DECENT ONE. I WILL NOT LET YOU BORROW MINE IN CLASS)
· A ruler
· A storage unit or a tote bag
· Photos and memorabilia
— Memorabilia can be anything! Bring in things like photos, ticket stubs, locks of hair, etc. Get creative!!!
— Embellishments are where the fun REALLY begins in making a personal scrapbook. You guys should pick up some standard items like glitter, ribbons, or stolen mail from your next victim. Sharing is encouraged!
I know these supplies are going to be a bit expensive, but they are required for the class. We can discuss communal supplies during orientation. The bright side is you will have these scrapbooks forever and ever and ever and you can’t put a price on memories. Once I’m done with you, you’ll never forget these memories…
My office hours are Monday and Wednesday at 4 pm.
P.S. Can’t wait for an amazing semester!
Upon receiving hundreds of emails from concerned students and parents, the university was forced report Mr. Grouper to the local police department where he is now under investigation. His scrapbooks are being held as evidence and have already contributed to closing twenty-three unsolved cases. Mr. Grouper has not found a lawyer to represent him yet.
Scrapbooking isn’t for everyone.