Today I am Mad

Well, really, I am frustrated which has me feeling an array of emotions including anger…and helplessness. It boils down to pressure, mismanagement, and not having the answers. I am a person who excels at whatever task is placed in front of them. Or, when faced with a situation that is not excel-able, then I get frustrated.

This frustration is a good thing, a response to years and years of pursuing perfection. Unobtainable perfection. It’s a does of reality and places my failings smack dab in front of my face so I can’t avoid them anymore in the hopes that something productive will take place. My current difficulty revolves around my work and the miscommunication taking place between execs, management, and my team. There has been a constant build up of pressure. I have thought each new week would bring the final peak except a new mountain surfaces, a new crisis, or fie all at once.

I am wrestling with this situation. Basically, how do I avoid burnout? How do I contribute to improve communication for the team and myself, especially seeing how that is a part of my job description? That’s the kicker: it is part of my responsibility to speak productivity and solutions into the current framework and I am fresh out of ideas. I tried. I tried again. It’s not any better and/or new issues have arisen. Working with people is not like working with software, or a project, or a task. Those, no matter how hard, often have a completion, a finish.

My perfectionist tendencies do not like this truth: people are not projects and while there may be growth or even transformations, people are never finished. This definitely applies to my current work environment and a lot of other areas in life regarding relationships with people. Also, humans tend to need to relearn certain lessons more than once especially when faced with frustration, which most certainly includes me.