Emotional bonds formed between women are sacred. Having friendships so pure that no matter how much suffering life inflicts it will always serve as a light at the end of a dark tunnel. But not all bonds are true. For some, there is no intent but that of darkness.
It can be hard to distinguish between a real friend and someone fake. Because a lot of the time malice is hidden, like a robber with a mask. If someone has had enough experience with these kinds of people they begin to learn the signs.
I have had many encounters with these phonies, but the most recent one taught me a lesson.
Real friends don’t believe rumors about you. Fake ones do.
Especially, when the rumors are concerning you both. For example, if someone tells them you were speaking ill behind their back. Fake friends automatically believe it to be true, even before you guys discuss it. If someone believes such things, it’s my experience that they already had a negative view of you. Real friends, on the other hand, would stop whoever is spreading these rumors dead in their tracks. Regardless if it’s a mutual friend. Which in my case it was. When this happened to me the person who was spreading this rumor was someone I have known for 15 years. We went to high school together and shared many laughs. I trusted her like she was my sister. That’s why this incident was so heavy.
There was another time when a similar situation happened with the same person believing a horrible rumor about me.
If someone would believe that you would speak poorly about them when they’re not around, then they are not your real friend.
Your achievements are envied not celebrated.
Every human being has its fair share of hurdles. Celebrating them with friends makes the experience even more fulfilling. A real friend will share every win, and grieve every loss. Each victory will be commemorated with an applause. For fake friends, reaching your goals is an insult to their own self-worth. Instead of praise, there will be envy.
You will begin to feel uncomfortable telling them about all the good that’s happening in your life because instead of a celebratory hug, you’ll get a blank stare and an unenthusiastic “congratulations.” Eventually, the comments will begin to shoot in your direction. “Oh, what? You think you’re so smart?” Or from my personal experience, it was “I feel like you belittle me in front of your smart friends.” When these “smart friends” were just normal women pursuing more. None of us were scholars, believe me.
You always know if it’s real.
When you genuinely bond with someone the question of whether it’s real or not doesn’t even cross your mind. We all have instincts and they’re usually pretty spot on. If you have someone in your life and you sense that they are not authentic then they should be removed immediately.
Who one chooses to associate with has a direct effect on their quality of life. We mustn’t let those with bad intentions have access to the intimate parts of ourselves. It puts us at great risk for heartbreak. Choose your friends wisely.
“Make friends with people who want the best for you.”- Jordan Peterson (12 Rules of Life. Chapter 3)
