Word of the Year: Patience
Patience in 2022 and habits to continue, improve, and practice with love
Patience is a characteristic I admire in others and want to get better at. So, here’s a list of Patience practices to (try) to live by…
Definition
Patience is the ability to be calm in the face of adversity, frustration or suffering, and in any given situation you’ll respond with some amount of patience (or lack of it).
Keep Doing
With time and a sense of humor, pain can lead to joy.
Be kind and patient when contacting support agents or the barista. The long lines and wait times, calls dropping, orders taking too long, and frustrating policies are not their fault. They’re humans too, and with a smile, some eye contact, and a genuine ‘how are you?’ and ‘have a good one!’ — maybe I can help brighten up their day.
If I lose a thought, laugh and let it go. If I’m patient and it’s important, it’ll come back eventually.
If I lose or break a thing, I’ll remember to be grateful for warm shelter, full tummy, good health, and loving and feeling loved. That’s far more important…and be grateful I can afford to replace it if need be.
Be patient with myself if I get lost, trip, or make a silly mistake — it’s funny, so I laugh.
Enjoying the process of doing something really hard for the first time and being bad at it. If I’m patient, I’ll probably be less bad at it eventually.
If I’m talking to someone on the phone or in-person, embrace silence.
Practice meditation and do more yoga.
Taking the time to go for a walk outside when I feel stuck. Patience that the solution to a problem will reveal itself with time and space.
Take a step back in the face of anxiety, asking ‘what’s the worst that could happen?’ ‘what’s the probability of that happening?’ ‘what have I done in the past when faced with a similar situation?’ and realize… it’s going to be fine. If I’m patient and compassionate enough with myself, I keep calm and carry on.
Forgive.
If I’m starving, not going for the fastest food, but having the patience to make a healthy meal instead. And… when desperate, tide myself over until the food is ready with some almonds.
Practice: Pause before ordering DoorDash from the Cheesecake Factory or having more fries. Ask: Am I really hungry? Would I rather eat something that’ll taste so much better (why eat a second tier candy bar when you can have a fresh, warm croissant)? How is eating this going to make me feel in 20 minutes?
Injury comes from pushing through pain. Resting requires patience to heal. Better to be out for a few days to rest my achilles than be immobile for weeks if I didn’t.
Not popping a pimple too early or at all. And generally, continue to not do things before I need to start working on them or just don’t do them.
Practice speaking Chinese with friends, not just doing lessons on DuoLingo. It’s scary to speak another language out loud, but it’s better to try to practice my pronunciation because that’s how I’ll learn and build confidence, even if I get it wrong. (PS: 射射, Nick Rosenbaum ❤️ 我爱你!).
Reading, even if it’s only one page at a time before bed. At some point, I’ll finish the book.
Improve
Patience for outcomes to focus on the journey and the friends we make along the way.
Patience to orient myself if I don’t know where I’m going before marching in the wrong direction, then getting lost in the airport and having to run back in the opposite direction.
Waiting till whatever I’m preparing, pasta to roasted asparagus, cools before I taste it… or pick up with my fingers.
When I meet someone, trust that they will show me who they truly are with time.
Enjoying each moment. Planning ahead (t minus 1 hour to workout and shower before my meeting) is a great strength of mine, but I’m much easier to be happy when I don’t pressure myself to do everything I set out to do for the day.
Have empathy, curiosity, and grace for someone with a fundamentally different point of view, no matter how much I disagree.
Offering advice instead of waiting to see if a friend wants it. Listening instead of problem solving.
Take time to grieve. Relief will come and so too will joy.
Be patient enough to sit down and finish a blog post, and forgive myself if I publish something that isn’t perfect.
Be okay to start the day slowly, sometimes taking a little longer leads to serendipity and moments of bliss.
Patience in Romance
Don’t rush.
Expressing my own curiosity in getting to know someone and listening to avoid disappointment from their lack of curiosity in me.
“Waiting by the phone.” Relax and Embrace [virtual] silence when that guy I like doesn’t text me back as quickly as I would like.
Have the patience to inspect and accept a reality check. In other words… not getting ahead of myself.
Don’t be too eager.
Have patience to be in ‘the messy middle’ — somewhere between 100% and nothing instead of either/or.
To have a great relationship, both parties need to put in 100%. Great relationships = 200% total. If the other person is putting in 30%, I’ll have the patience and self-love to be at or below 100%. I’ll accept nothing less than an enthusiastic* yes — where we’re pretty close 200% on average. (*enthusiastic as in level of interest, not enthusiastic personality trait.)
At the same time, continue not worrying about society’s expectations: engagement, wedding, children. Love matters, not my age.
Be clear about when I want something done and why, such as: I need the dishes done and kitchen clean so that I can make lunch at 1pm. Then, be patient —trust it’s going to get done, even if it doesn’t happen on my timeline.
Love the freedom that comes with being alone.
I’m not single, I’m independent.
What you do is you sit and wait. Sometimes, you get fish you don’t want to keep and you set it free. You know if you wait long enough, if you have patience, your catch may be greater.
Balanced with the Value of Impatience
Impatience isn’t all bad. It can have it’s virtues too.
For me, impatience manifests as motivation to push towards achieving goals fast and get me excited about sharing my motivation to inspire others towards action.
Balance with Patience: prevents chasing an outcome from coming at the expense relationships. My philosophy is always ‘Relationships are greater than Outcomes.’ That’s my best way of how I keep myself in check.
Impatience pushes me to prioritize strategically to get what I want.
Balance with Patience: forgiveness when my behavior isn’t consistent with my priorities. It’s okay to make mistakes.
Tenacity to test my limits.
Balance with Patience: avoid injury that takes longer to heal, example.
Impatience for change can spark action to become an activist.
Balance with Patience: patience to listen and give grace to the people who resist or are slow to change that can lead to understanding to help inspire others to join the cause. Or, at least learn reasons for resistance I’m up against.
Impatience for people who are not respectful helps me demand respect or walk away when necessary.
Balance with Patience: for asking questions to make sure it’s not just a misunderstanding of intentions.
Conclusion
Patience is a virtue, yes.
Patience isn’t something I didn’t inherit and can never attain. Bruce Lee said, patience is concentrated strength — a muscle I can build.
Sources: How to train yourself to be more patient, Impatient vs. Patient Personality Traits, Patience is Key in Dating, 7 Surprising Attributes of Patient People, A Patient Person Does These 10 Things Without Realizing It, How To Develop Patience In The Taxing Dating World As A 20-Something, Why impatience is a virtue, The Lightmaker’s Manifesto, Part 2 of 2 with Karen Walrond — Unlocking Us with Brené Brown podcast
