august 12, 2023
hi.
the last time i wrote you a letter was for our anniversary. it was a just because letter since i realized it had been a long time since i had written you one. and here i am now, a year later, writing another letter from the same location where i found calm for the first time after our breakup. funny how life works.
i honestly have no idea how this letter will go, but i guess it doesn’t really matter since you’ll never get to read it anyway.
i’m currently sitting on one of the benches by the ocean, waiting for the sun to set. it still hurts. my heart still aches a little when i think about how you’re no longer in my life. it’s my fault, i know, but it was for the best. i still regret it a bit, but it doesn’t hurt as much as it did before. you should’ve seen me the week after our internship. i was a mess, and you would’ve thought i was shameless for being heartbroken over something i caused. i know i was.
since you’ll never get to read this anyway, allow me to blabber a bit about myself. i’ve had crushes in the past, which i used to mistake for first loves. i used to believe that what i had previously felt for someone was the most extreme i could ever feel for a person, but then you came along. you made me feel emotions i had never felt before. you made me understand what love is meant to feel like.
love in its highest of highs and love in its lowest of lows — love in its truest form. thank you, really.
don’t get me wrong, i have never been without love in my life. i’ve received love from my family and friends, but they’ve never made me feel the type of love you offered me — kind, generous, forgiving, and passionate. not everyone is fortunate enough to experience this type of love, the type that most people spend their entire lives looking for. thank you for introducing me to this type of love.
perhaps that’s all we’ll ever be to one other — an introduction to this kind of love. but that’s okay. i’m grateful that it was you who opened my heart and showed me what love should feel like.
i’ll always be thankful that it was you. in another lifetime, you would still be the first person to whom i’d pour my entire heart and soul. i’ll be eternally grateful to have been the recipient of your love. a love that has always put me first. a love that all people should have.
i’m glad that more people will get to feel your love, and i hope you also receive the love you deserve. i will always root for you. i hope you achieve all of the dreams you’ve told me about, and as cliche as it sounds, i hope i never hear about it. at least until it no longer hurts.
they say that for a person to heal, they need to forgive themselves first, regardless of whether they believe they deserve it or not. so this is me finally starting to forgive myself. for causing you pain. for breaking your heart. for failing to stay until the end.
this is me finally saying goodbye to you. my best friend. my partner. my lover. this is me finally accepting that it’s over — that we’re over.
i hope we can meet again someday, with our hearts truly whole.
and i promise to succeed. i owe it you, to myself, and to our relationship i gave it up for.
6:49 PM. the sun has finally set, and this is where i finally let you go.
